A SERIAL DIARIST
I was a bit chia pa sio eng (“too free” in Hokkien”) on Thursday night. Didn’t go to the gym after a long drive in the maze of Kuala Lumpur and Petaling Jaya the night before. Watched Spiderman 2 with two hermits who couldn’t recall the directions to their homes as they only know how to go home from their offices. They always think that friends who drive are synonymous to cab drivers (or the road mappers?), having the entire KL and PJ city map integrated in their brains with one plus point: it’s free.
I was clearing my room and I found a box stacked away under my good old study desk I hardly use even during school time.
It is a box of the story of my life.
1988 - A white canvas
It’s cute to see your own handwriting when you were 12.
I still remember an old classmate once said, “If you are a Chinese, and you are lousy in Math, don’t call yourself a Chinese. Mensiasuikan!”
I was so hurt as I was the only one with a C3 in Math and the rest obtained A1.
Got to know the greatest guy I ever met in my entire life (okay – maybe not entire life – half of my life) and develop a crush on him which lasts till today.
Got my first job as a nurse in a clinic.
I was a staunch Christian. Baptized in the Holy Ghost.
The reality of being a young adult, responsibilities towards parents when they are not watching you, learning to discern, being home sick.
Made friends from all over Malaysia. Met Dr Jekyl and Hyde friends.
Being suicidal.
Back slided from being a Christian.
Started to doubt myself. Do not understand the mere existence of human. What is life? Why am I here? Probably listening to too much of Nirvana. I was a Cobain’s fanatic fan.
Still suicidal.
Discovered the power of internet.
Got to know there are more ways to enjoy sex other than the mediocre missionary position. Thanks to Karma Sutra. Discovered oral sex from Sharon Stone’s Basic Instinct.
Note: Theoretically SPEAKING ONLY and harvesting experiences from friends who kiss and tell. I strongly believe in the sacredness of the small tissue.
Created strong friendship bonds which last till today and will be for my entire lifetime.
Officially NOT a Christian anymore.
Rediscover my sense of humour.
Still couldn’t understand men.
No longer suicidal.
I am a pagan.
Insofar, this is the darkest episode of my life. Dad suffered from stroke. Stick insect sister struggling with anorexia nervosa. Death of beloved grandmothers (2 years apart). All hell broke lose in the last job. Brother planning to get hitch to his erratic girlfriend. (Hahaha! This is a tasteless joke! My sis in law is cool).
A serial dater.
I am officially a pagan.
Yes. I still keep a diary. Nobody blogs every damn thing.
I believe all religion is equally good.
I was clearing my room and I found a box stacked away under my good old study desk I hardly use even during school time.
It is a box of the story of my life.
Story of my life
Gina - 1988 to 2004 and beyond
1988 - A white canvas
SynopsisI remembered I pestered mom to get me this. I don’t remember how I got myself into this habit of keeping a diary. Must be from the tv.
It’s cute to see your own handwriting when you were 12.
1992 - 1993 - Wilderness years
SynopsisThe plain Jane of the 90s. Nothing much happening, just school stuffs and cute boys I met during tuition. Having hard time in school, not being able to fit in, being the only Chinese in Science 1 class who was totally hopeless in math, being one of the Chinese in school not knowing Mandarin yet appointed to be the Vice Secretary of the Chinese Society. Can you actually believe that?
I still remember an old classmate once said, “If you are a Chinese, and you are lousy in Math, don’t call yourself a Chinese. Mensiasuikan!”
I was so hurt as I was the only one with a C3 in Math and the rest obtained A1.
Got to know the greatest guy I ever met in my entire life (okay – maybe not entire life – half of my life) and develop a crush on him which lasts till today.
Got my first job as a nurse in a clinic.
I was a staunch Christian. Baptized in the Holy Ghost.
1994 - I'm not a girl, not yet a woman
SynopsisYear of Rebellion. Somehow, first time staying away from parents really brings out the true character in you . I think this is where I learnt to be street smart.
The reality of being a young adult, responsibilities towards parents when they are not watching you, learning to discern, being home sick.
Made friends from all over Malaysia. Met Dr Jekyl and Hyde friends.
Being suicidal.
Back slided from being a Christian.
1995 - 1998 Years of turbulation
1998 Years of turbulation II
SynopsisFirst time my tongue tasted hard liquor and surprised to find I could hold my alcohol well, cigarettes, and no.. I didn’t do drugs or having promiscuous sex. Good thing I was leveled headed despite all the booze, or probably the friends that I was with, were all goody two shoes. (TAR College, what do you expect?)
Started to doubt myself. Do not understand the mere existence of human. What is life? Why am I here? Probably listening to too much of Nirvana. I was a Cobain’s fanatic fan.
Still suicidal.
Discovered the power of internet.
Got to know there are more ways to enjoy sex other than the mediocre missionary position. Thanks to Karma Sutra. Discovered oral sex from Sharon Stone’s Basic Instinct.
Note: Theoretically SPEAKING ONLY and harvesting experiences from friends who kiss and tell. I strongly believe in the sacredness of the small tissue.
Created strong friendship bonds which last till today and will be for my entire lifetime.
Officially NOT a Christian anymore.
1999 - 2001 Soul searching
SynopsisWorking part time while still in college. Met interesting people from all walks of life due to job scope and via internet.
Rediscover my sense of humour.
Still couldn’t understand men.
No longer suicidal.
I am a pagan.
Late 2001 - 2003 Big world
SynopsisJoining the corporate world full time. Dog-eats-dog world. Life’s a bitch. You get to meet some real nasty people you could only imagine. Also, thank God to have met some kindred spirit at work which motivated me to stand on my feet again and relieved to know you have friends you can totally rely on.
Insofar, this is the darkest episode of my life. Dad suffered from stroke. Stick insect sister struggling with anorexia nervosa. Death of beloved grandmothers (2 years apart). All hell broke lose in the last job. Brother planning to get hitch to his erratic girlfriend. (Hahaha! This is a tasteless joke! My sis in law is cool).
A serial dater.
I am officially a pagan.
2004 Contemplation begins
SynopsisTo have or not to have a religion? To have or not to have sex? (Not that I have a choice). To have an affair or not to have an affair? (Since I don’t plan to get married) To switch or not to switch job? To swallow or not to swallow? (Haha)
Yes. I still keep a diary. Nobody blogs every damn thing.
I believe all religion is equally good.
Comments
Ann | 07.17.04 – 8:58 pm | #
Hahaha.. yeap. Everything is from the heart. So sometimes, we sub-consciously write things we don’t remember.
Gina | 07.17.04 – 11:41 pm | #
Gosh that’s a collection of diaries! I’ve only have 2 till today. I’ve had one which I discarded it. Yeap, that was my suicidal year…from 1988 to 1991…so much hatred, angst, vengeance etc…all the negative thoughts…when I read back after I joined college, like Ann mentioned, I was like “What?! I can’t believe I wrote all these”. That’s when I became more mature…so I’ve ‘thrown away’ my anguish teenage years…
Now I seldom wrote…dunno what’s holding me back. Hmmm…shall start to write again….sometimes, I think the only ‘person’ who listened to all my ups and downs is my DIARY
WY | 07.23.04 – 3:05 pm | #
WY – I listen to most of your problems, and have no qualms in announcing them to the public. Hahahha.
Certain things,when we feel uncomfortable telling people, we put them in our diary. Heck, I even came up with codes for the 26 alphabets so no one will know what I had written, till I lost my purse… and the codes.
Gina | 07.25.04 – 1:58 pm | #