GINA’S FAMILY VALUES

I have always talked about my family to my friends. Some friends are surprised that I stayed with my aunt for 15 years now.

“Your aunt never torture you meh??” or “Ah? Can ah? Can two families stay together in harmony?” They looked at us with their big, bright, bewildered eyes.

I beamed with pride and said, “My aunt treats us like her own children.”

Not many families are close-knitted nowadays.

There is a sad story of a distant cousin of my mother’s. His own siblings did not want to take responsibilities of their own brother who was mentally ill, after working in a mental asylum in the United Kingdom for ages. They left him at my late grandmother’s care in Port Weld. After creating so much chaos and disturbances, one of his brothers decided to ship him back to United Kingdom. When he was there, he tried to kill himself by throwing himself on a passing train in the subway.

He didn’t die. His legs were amputated and he was taken care of by the national welfare. None of his brothers came to see him in United Kingdom until he passed on. He left a legacy of a house worth a few hundred thousands of pounds, and then only, all his siblings came squabbling who is supposed to benefit from his will.

How sad.

There are 10 people in my house. My own family consists of myself, my sis, mom and dad. My brother is married and living with his wife in Puchong. My aunt’s family – husband and wife, and their only son – who is now staying with his girlfriend. My two cousin sisters from fourth aunt, and two trolls that my mother baby sits.

Of course, we definitely have our own differences. At times, it is never easy as we do get on each others’ nerves. But somehow, we learned to compromise and tried our best to live with each others’ annoying habits. Afterall, blood is always thicker than water.

My mother is the most hardworking in the house. She would wake up the earliest, depending on when the kids wake up, making milk for them before going to the kitchen to prepare a pot of addiction: kopi O. She would start the day’s routine by offering joss sticks to the God of Heaven, Goddess of Mercy, the Earth God, the Tan’s ancestors and the Kitchen God. Then, she would proceed to sweep and mop the floor. After cooking lunch for the family, she would go for an afternoon nap with the kids. As long as she gets to cook, hold the broom, wash some clothes, she feels happy. I think she has never complained of too much house work before. When she is not home, all hell break loose.

My dad, who suffered from stroke a few years ago, is delighted to have found a job with my uncle, driving a small lorry to transport poultry goods. His day starts at 2 am and ended just before noon. When he comes home, he would bring back some left over chicken which didn’t sell off for the day and talk non stop about his encounter of the day. Usually, he would mention which hotels he went in the day, to send the poultry goods, etc. Boring stuffs. But I am glad that he is happy. He is happy because he could do something useful to pass his days. I think, being hard working runs in the family. Everyone just couldn’t sit still. If he is not tired, he would walk over to my neighbours’ to play a few games of mahjong or glued to the tv the entire day.

My sis is a workaholic. She hardly took leave from office. She is the annual recipient in her office for best attendance year after year for not taking any medical leave. Heh! Nobody would believe that she is my sister. She is a miser, doesn’t go out much, spend most time at home, watching tv and avidly reads my blog and James’ blog. She is the exact opposite of me. That is why we complement each other. And she is my long standing credit provider, who doesn’t demand the loaned money back. She is a splendid help in the kitchen and is very good with knives, as in cutting fruits, vegetables, etc, neatly. A superbly good candidate for a wife. Any takers? Geez.. am I pimping my own sister on the internet?

One of the most respected person after my mom and dad is my aunt. She is already 62 years old but looking like a 50 year old hot hoochie momma. When she is in the mood, she would cook up a new dish, freshly learnt from Astro or the newspapers, for us to try. She indulges in mahjong too, and could play mahjong for hours. She helps my mother to take care of the kids. Occasionally, she would go over to her in-law’s house to cook for her mother-in-law, just a few blocks away from our house. The MIL is quite an extravagant person and loves to waste and splurge. Not wanting to see such extravagance being wasted, my aunt would bring some of the cooked food home. Somehow, this habit landed her with her nickname: the Hunter. She goes out and brings back food.

My uncle is a dark man with stern face. But the kids love him very much because he would take them for a short ride in his old rickety motorcycle around the neighbourhood. He would spoil the kids silly with candies and little toys from the grocery shops. He helps out at his brother’s grocery shop, and at times, he would bring back some free vegetables and fruits for the house. Knowing that the children loves jagung (Malay: corn), he would bring packets and packets of jagung which would last for a few good weeks!

My two cousin sisters are lazy bums, (So am I!! But at least I am neat) much to the chagrin of the entire household. However, they make it up by being pretty good entertainers in the house. They would say or do something really silly much to the amusement of my aunt and the kids. They help out with the kids and the younger one, reads tarot cards. The older one is the garbage woman – she takes out the garbage every night. The younger one is a state badminton player. Our mothers, thinking that she might put on obscene weight like me, decided to let her play badminton to avoid getting fat. The younger one is the prettiest among us – so, I think she would probably be the first cousin to be married off. The older cousin is a bit rough on the outside, but she is a person with a big heart. She would help when help is needed. She just need some guidance on not to be so kan cheong (Cantonese: anxious) all the time.

The two kids, Sasha and Lok Lok are pain in the ass at times. But without them, I guess my house would not be as warm as it is now. We missed them when they are gone to their homes with their parents, but on the other hand, cringe at the thought of their annoying and incessant shrieks in the house. Well, we can’t have a cake and eat it at the same time, aren’t we? We love them like our own family members and are always amused and thrilled when they learn new things, as we watch them grow from 2 months till now, 3 years old.

My char siew* brother – is married and now living with his wife in Puchong. We love him very much and let him have his own ways in a lot of things. Being married means, you already have another family to take care of. My brother would come home occasionally on weekends, and that is when my mother and aunt cook up a storm in the kitchen to welcome him back. Whoever married my brother is one lucky woman as she wouldn’t have to succumb to the myth of the MIL’s iron claws. My mother is so chin chai that she doesn’t insist to stay with my brother like other conventional mother in laws who would want their sons to be with them. I know it is cliché to say this, but normally when a man gets married, he submits to his wife. That is why I always tell my friends to have daughters. Now we know that daughters could take better care of their old parents.

* If you have a son, you might as well give birth to a piece of char siew ("BBQ Pork"). At least, when you are hungry, you could eat the char siew.

My family is quite liberal. We could do whatever we like as long as we don’t go overboard. This trust had been instilled in us when we were very young. In fact, I never ask for permission to do anything since I was little. All I need to do is to tell my mother where I am going, and off I go. I guess this has somewhat helped us to be independent people and street smarts.

We celebrate everyone’s birthdays in the year. So, there would be more than 10 birthday cakes and 10 buckets of KFC or 20 large pizzas in a year.

That sums up the family members in my house. At times, we might appear to be dysfunctional, but all in all, I am grateful to be part of this big family.

These are the people close to my heart,
who always make my life worth living..

Behind: L-R Char Siew Brother, Good loan Shark Sis, Kan Cheong First Cousin Sis,
Nomadic Cousin Brother, Tarot reading Youngest Cousin Sis
Front: L-R Hunter Aunt, Mom holding Sasha & Lok Lok and Dad
-Celebrating Mom's 61st birthday this year July 11
(Not in pic: Uncle - working and myself - holding the camera)