LIFE OF A HORIZONTALLY-CHALLENGED WOMAN

A stroll down memory lane could only be complete
with an old pic! My siblings

When you are on the heavy side most of your lives, life can be a cruel humor. The only thing you could possibly do, is to laugh at it.

1985: 20 YEARS AGO

A member the Obesity Club for second year in a row. Went back to school to start Standard Three, looking doubled my size. The teacher could not recognize me if not for my mother.

“Banyak sihat!!” Puan Lee beamed with delight and pinched me hard on the cheeks.

I couldn’t remember much apart from trying to overshadow my weighty issues by excelling in my studies. I did remarkably well. Year after year, I was always the top three in class and the whole school. I was a stiff competitor.

1995: 10 YEARS AGO

Took the road less traveled and ended up regretting it. I kept on thinking what if I didn’t take A levels? What if I joined my other friends doing Form 6 and going to local universities? What if this? What if that? I simply couldn’t accept the fact that I was no more the crème of the crop. Was depressed and had suicidal tendencies. Living in hell with teen angst.

Scarred for life, almost got killed in a scuffle involving a maniac housemate, a butter knife and Jackie Cheung.

Completed A level, but didn’t excel. Staying away from parents for the first time breathed a new leash of freedom. I learnt to drink like a fish on the last day of exams. Had 2 jugs of beer and 2 bottles of corona, and other cocktails in Braningans.

Almost fell off the staircase while my classmates dragged me to the car to whisk me home. (In the wasted stage, I was amazed that I still had the discernment to request for male classmates to carry me, rather than females) Had the Mother-of-All-Hang-Over for the first time. I swore I would never drink again.

Exposed to Kama Sutra.

A vegetarian for 4 months. Lost some 15 kgs.

2000: 5 YEARS AGO

I fell in love with Pilot Boy. He was too good to be true. Probably it was best if he avoided me, but he didn’t. He treated me like queen. I didn’t profess my love to him, but obviously action spoke louder than words.

On the way home from U Bar, I broke down in tears on the new year’s eve in James’ car, seeing Pilot Boy together with the girl of his dreams, which eventually became his wife. It rained all night. Thank goodness for the rain – it muffled my sobs till morning.

We are still friends till today and he is expecting his second child this December. I am happy he is happy and I am happy that I moved on.

Got myself my first permanent job. (It’s about time!). Made friends that last a lifetime.

Plans to go on a strict diet postponed.

2002: 3 YEARS AGO

A quiet year. Bloody workaholic. I worked 7 days a week, not because of being well paid, I was thirsty for knowledge.

Involved in insurance business by chance. Eye opener on how important it is to have a financial planning knowledge at hand.

Accepted the fact that, everyone has his/her definition of life. Different life standards, different expectations, different needs, etc. We cannot be thinking of always being ahead of other people. We have to learn to accept the fact that at times, people are much better than us or luckier? If possible, take this as a motivation for us to excel further. But if it takes more than our own capabilities to do so, we have to accept the defeat and move on.

Serial dater. Dated 7 men in a year.

Plans to go on a strict diet postponed.

2004: A YEAR AGO

Sister recovering from anorexia. I was confirmed having hypertension – due to weight, bitchy boss and worried sick for sister. Joined the gym for health purposes. Fell in love with body jam.

Got my first digital camera. Canon IXUS II. Photobug attack.

The Monk came back to my life after years of silence. Hidden throes of affection and love unearthed – but only in me. It takes two to tango and he wasn’t at all keen. We were meant to be only friends. Respected his decision. Wishing him all the best.

Drowning sorrow with booze and more booze. Get wasted. Met new bunch of cool friends to hang out with.

Plans to go on a strict diet postponed.

2005: THIS YEAR

Bitten by the traveling bug… and when it is combined with photobug attack, it proved to be a potent combination.

Went to Singapore, Melaka, Chamang, Sekinchan, Kuala Selangor, Kuching, Sepang, Tanjung Sepat, Taiping, Penang, Ipoh, Bangkok, Pattaya… and now, it’s only September.

Photography skills improved.

Met Ed, a kindred spirit.

Accepted the fact that I might be a spinster for life.

A few good friends left for good: A dear friend committed suicide, Dimple is leaving for New York, a fellow ex colleague leaving for Shanghai, Leo left for Hong Kong with his wife, and another dear friend decided to stay put in Perth.

Started to read poetry.

Hoping not to postpone plans to go on a strict diet.

2006: NEXT YEAR

Brother’s wedding in March. What the hell am I going to wear??

If all is well, hopefully, to find a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. (No.. this does not involve selling my ass)

Hopefully lose some weight so I could be off my hypertensive medication.

2015: TEN YEARS FROM NOW

If I don’t die of diseases relating to hypertension, I hope to cultivate the pot of gold by then. A landlady for a few houses and apartments. Thinking of opening a business, probably a day care centre since nowadays, parents just don’t have time for their children, or some business relating to health, since we can bank in money from health freaks easily these days… or become a painter or florist or fulltime photographer. Oh yes, I am so fickled minded. (I am a woman ok!)

Playing mahjong with Party Girl on weekends, hope that sister could master mother’s skills in cooking (heh!), avoiding friends who would want me to be the Godmother for their children! I already have a godson, Adrian. I would like to have a goddaughter. (It depends on who gives birth first – Ann, WY or Kat).

I wanted to tag the very intelligent viewtru, but he is too busy with his Twin Dragon Blades Saga... the gorgeous Kim, but she is only 21 years old this year... so...I am tagging Kat!! He he he.