10 THINGS I FEAR MOST
Not a good thing to broach to jumpstart the week.. I know..
I am someone who wouldn’t give a damn about a lot of things, which made me look invincible. (In short, I am a bitch) However, I believe, there is always something that you fear most and keeps nagging your mind all the time.
These are the 10 things that I fear most:
1. Not spending enough time with aging parents – Yesterday, looking at my mother’s expired passport, I discovered how much older she has grown. We do talk to each other but not as much as we would like – coz most of the time, the moment we open our mouth – that’s it, World War III. As for dad, he went to have his passport pic taken and couldn’t believed he has grown that old. He refused to accept the pictures and demanded a re-take. Came out the same thing. Guess he couldn’t accept the fact that he is growing old. I cannot afford to waste time anymore, not spending time with them – even if it is merely watching TV together in silence, as we could never predict; the moment we want to talk to them, they are no longer there.
2. Not enough money for retirement – much hype has been given to this financial planning thingy and it somewhat instilled a sense of paranoia in me. It is surprising that during my parents’ era – they were able to take care of themselves and family even if they are earning less than RM1,500 per month – just enough for two adults and three children. Now, even if you are earning RM3,000 a month, you can’t even barely afford to take care of yourself! What more in 30-40 years to come and you surrender your job to much younger people? Expecting your children to take care of you would be too risky. You got to have Plan B at hand all the time. I, for instance, a doomed spinster and expecting to take care of myself – I better ensure I have enough to put me through old folks home throughout the remaining years of my life.
3. Longevity – this runs in my family. Both my grandma passed away at ripe old ages of 84 and 92 respectively. The doctor was amazed that my paternal grandma, as old as 92, had a clean bill of health. She died due to a cut in her leg, which went unnoticed and eventually led to poisoning of her blood stream. My maternal grandma had hypertension and a weak heart. She was on a few types of medicine for 30 years before she passed away peacefully. I don’t think I want to live that long. 60 would be more than enough.
4. Losing one of the five senses – I fear most of losing my eyesight. I could live with being a mute or deaf or physically handicapped – but certainly not blind. I won’t be able to take pictures, surf the internet, watch a movie, read a book, ogling at tall men with broad shoulders and tight bums, etc.
5. Needing someone too much – to end suffering, one has to end desire. I am worried I might be in need of someone too much till it might kill me. I believe in, “When I fall in love, it would be forever, or I’ll never fall in love.” (Yes – it’s a song) I might behave like a flirtatious slut to many, but in fact, if I love someone – he would be the one and only. This hopeless romantic in me might one day make me into a broken soul.
6. Involving in a terrible accident and didn’t DIE instantly – I don’t mind if I die instantly if I were to involve in a terrible accident. I do not want to turn into vegetable and being forced feed via tubes – eating into my medical insurance and other family members’ pockets. I am going to fight to legalize euthanasia in Malaysia.
7. Extinction of the best (free) cooks on the planet – Everyone brags about how superb their mothers’ cooking is, but how many of us actually took the trouble to learn the ropes? In the near future, nobody would be able to cook like their mothers, like Ms Tambi’s late mother’s Nyonya Bak Chang. In the future, I will definitely miss my mother’s cooking (*Hinting sister*), WY’s mom’s homemade bread and pork knuckles in vinegar, (*Hinting WY*), YCF’s mom’s famous yam cake and blueberry cheese cake (*Hinting YCF*), Cynthia’s mom’s pineapple tarts (*Hinting Cynthia*) and Ann’s mom’s spicey Thai-style glass noodles (*Hinting Ann*).
8. Car breaking down in the middle of nowhere – at times, while driving through some trunk roads leading to sang-kah-lah* places, i.e. Titi Eco Farm with the six spinsters last year, I was so worried that my car would break down in the middle of the night and in the middle of nowhere. And usually your phone battery would just die the moment you needed it most.
* Sang-kah-lah - Cantonese: secluded and unknown to many
9. Ghost – I know, I am being ridiculous. If I watch a horror movie, I would be sleepless for a few nights. My imagination can be really vivid and wild.
10. Losing my job – I might look uncommitted to most people to my job – as most of the time, I spent time sleeping at it, but money is everything. Money makes the world go round. I have to buck up a bit at work. Been making too many mistakes. I have lost the drive to go to work. Work is so mundane, yet it pays the bills.
I am someone who wouldn’t give a damn about a lot of things, which made me look invincible. (In short, I am a bitch) However, I believe, there is always something that you fear most and keeps nagging your mind all the time.
These are the 10 things that I fear most:
1. Not spending enough time with aging parents – Yesterday, looking at my mother’s expired passport, I discovered how much older she has grown. We do talk to each other but not as much as we would like – coz most of the time, the moment we open our mouth – that’s it, World War III. As for dad, he went to have his passport pic taken and couldn’t believed he has grown that old. He refused to accept the pictures and demanded a re-take. Came out the same thing. Guess he couldn’t accept the fact that he is growing old. I cannot afford to waste time anymore, not spending time with them – even if it is merely watching TV together in silence, as we could never predict; the moment we want to talk to them, they are no longer there.
2. Not enough money for retirement – much hype has been given to this financial planning thingy and it somewhat instilled a sense of paranoia in me. It is surprising that during my parents’ era – they were able to take care of themselves and family even if they are earning less than RM1,500 per month – just enough for two adults and three children. Now, even if you are earning RM3,000 a month, you can’t even barely afford to take care of yourself! What more in 30-40 years to come and you surrender your job to much younger people? Expecting your children to take care of you would be too risky. You got to have Plan B at hand all the time. I, for instance, a doomed spinster and expecting to take care of myself – I better ensure I have enough to put me through old folks home throughout the remaining years of my life.
3. Longevity – this runs in my family. Both my grandma passed away at ripe old ages of 84 and 92 respectively. The doctor was amazed that my paternal grandma, as old as 92, had a clean bill of health. She died due to a cut in her leg, which went unnoticed and eventually led to poisoning of her blood stream. My maternal grandma had hypertension and a weak heart. She was on a few types of medicine for 30 years before she passed away peacefully. I don’t think I want to live that long. 60 would be more than enough.
4. Losing one of the five senses – I fear most of losing my eyesight. I could live with being a mute or deaf or physically handicapped – but certainly not blind. I won’t be able to take pictures, surf the internet, watch a movie, read a book, ogling at tall men with broad shoulders and tight bums, etc.
5. Needing someone too much – to end suffering, one has to end desire. I am worried I might be in need of someone too much till it might kill me. I believe in, “When I fall in love, it would be forever, or I’ll never fall in love.” (Yes – it’s a song) I might behave like a flirtatious slut to many, but in fact, if I love someone – he would be the one and only. This hopeless romantic in me might one day make me into a broken soul.
6. Involving in a terrible accident and didn’t DIE instantly – I don’t mind if I die instantly if I were to involve in a terrible accident. I do not want to turn into vegetable and being forced feed via tubes – eating into my medical insurance and other family members’ pockets. I am going to fight to legalize euthanasia in Malaysia.
7. Extinction of the best (free) cooks on the planet – Everyone brags about how superb their mothers’ cooking is, but how many of us actually took the trouble to learn the ropes? In the near future, nobody would be able to cook like their mothers, like Ms Tambi’s late mother’s Nyonya Bak Chang. In the future, I will definitely miss my mother’s cooking (*Hinting sister*), WY’s mom’s homemade bread and pork knuckles in vinegar, (*Hinting WY*), YCF’s mom’s famous yam cake and blueberry cheese cake (*Hinting YCF*), Cynthia’s mom’s pineapple tarts (*Hinting Cynthia*) and Ann’s mom’s spicey Thai-style glass noodles (*Hinting Ann*).
8. Car breaking down in the middle of nowhere – at times, while driving through some trunk roads leading to sang-kah-lah* places, i.e. Titi Eco Farm with the six spinsters last year, I was so worried that my car would break down in the middle of the night and in the middle of nowhere. And usually your phone battery would just die the moment you needed it most.
* Sang-kah-lah - Cantonese: secluded and unknown to many
9. Ghost – I know, I am being ridiculous. If I watch a horror movie, I would be sleepless for a few nights. My imagination can be really vivid and wild.
10. Losing my job – I might look uncommitted to most people to my job – as most of the time, I spent time sleeping at it, but money is everything. Money makes the world go round. I have to buck up a bit at work. Been making too many mistakes. I have lost the drive to go to work. Work is so mundane, yet it pays the bills.
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Comments
guess that the assurance tat some friends would always be there to hold your hand regardless of circumstances. Family would always be there for us to.
more crucial whether i like to acknowledge or not He is always there to carry us on tat even when we walk thru the valley of death, we shall not fear
peace
e
ed | 08.29.05 – 12:15 am | #
Gravatar Ok gotcha… will keep you posted if my mum cook pork knuckle in vinegar…
Just believe in yourself, do what you do to conquer those fears. Will always back you up
WY | 08.29.05 – 1:42 am | #
I hate cockroaches…
ryuu | Homepage | 08.29.05 – 3:02 pm | #
Yesterday was really shocking with my life and imagine since now u list your own fear… but nothing more siao then the palmistry guy foretell your life! But it really makes me ponder and seek room for improvement!
Tan Kien Boon | 08.29.05 – 7:44 pm | #
Heehh, I can’t believe you’re afraid of ghosts.
james | Homepage | 08.29.05 – 10:37 pm | #
Fear has a purpose. It keeps us from making rash decisions. the totally fearless person is not only a danger to himself, but also to others. But keep things in pespective. We come from nothingness and we go to nothingness. While we are here, we live life abundantly.
viewtru | Homepage | 08.29.05 – 11:38 pm | #
Gravatar what fear is worser than being poor?
ahlian | 08.30.05 – 12:56 pm | #
ahlian:…actually being poor?
gina: listing down ones own fears is the first step towards conquering them.
yuin | 08.30.05 – 5:26 pm | #
Ed: I think my fears are quite common. Yes.. Psalm 23? The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.
WY: You know me well. I would sleep over it and forget about it the next morning. heh.
Ryuu: I hate roaches too.. and I am a serial roach killer.
TKB: Well, a warning from the supernatural sometimes.. cannot be taken lightly. Wish you luck.
James: Yes, I admit I am a chicken shit. I guess I don’t want to come face to face with one to know its potency!
viewtru: Thanks for the profound insight. Yes.. fearless or not, you know I am living my life to the fullest!
ahlian: Maybe that is your fear lah. As for me, it never occur to me. You can be poor in terms of materials, but rich in virtues and love… which I think, would be better than material wealth.
yuin: Yes, I agree with you. Perhaps I am working towards it.. except the afraid of ghosts part.. do not mess with things you cannot see.
Gina | Homepage | 08.30.05 – 10:05 pm | #
hmm i MUST AGREE with Ah Lian in this case wor. poverty is veli scali!!!!!
peace
ed
Ed | 08.31.05 – 12:24 pm | #