LOVEABLE ASSHOLE

Everybody needs a best friend

Over dinner to celebrate Ed’s birthday last Saturday, I was introduced to a group of Ed’s friends; the very flamboyant group of homosexuals. There were a few ladies as well; I assume they are straight. One pretty girl; wearing a very low cut blouse, made her presence felt (not because of her alluring cleavage – remember, the guys in this group are all gays) by babbling non-stop (quite loudly) to dear Ryne and Dan. Unlike my bubbly self, I was at lost of words and chose to be a listener instead.

The more she talked about herself; shopping for branded stuffs overseas, luxuries, fast paced lifestyle, newest clubs in town, making fashion statements here and there, yiddi yiddi, yadda yadda; the more self-conscious I became. I felt relieved that I actually took the trouble to dress neatly for this dinner; even at first I didn’t anticipate that there would be so many of us. I thought it would be the regular four – Ryne, Dan, Ed and me, who had seen the worse of me. At least I bothered to put my lipstick on this time, instead of going out with a naked face (no make up at all). Heck. There was once I went out to "ta pao" with white patches of calamine lotion plastered all over my pimply face.

I came to re-assess my self. Do my friends accept me for who I am? Or for who they want me to become? Did I fake anything to gain approval from friends? Am I a bloody hypocrite? I felt insecure.

Both my brother and sister do not approve my overly generosity towards my friends; always throwing free booze parties. To me, showing generosity is my way of expression that I really like a friend. My sister is considered a miser among her friends, yet her friends stick to her like glue and they are always there when she needed help. She said, being generous is okay but not till the extent that it looked like some form of bribery for a friendship to last. Me? Bribe?? That desperate?? I am going to prove her wrong.

So, I came up with a simple questionnaire and e-mail it to my fellow friends; whom I came to know, ranging from 6 months to 22 years. (Sampling of 14 friends)

From: Gina
To: Friends
Sent: Monday, August 01, 2005 12.30 PM
Subject: Serious question

Over the weekend, I don’t know why, but I came to re-assess the friends that I have made over the years.

So, I would like to conduct an informal interview with you on my role as a friend to you.

So, can help or not?

Just answer a few questions. If you don’t even like me at the first place, say so. I can handle it. Heh. But be at least a bit humane in criticizing me. I cannot take constructive criticism very well.

1. What do you like most about me?
(a) Humorous
(b) Generosity
(c) Being a listener
(d) Resourceful
(e) Directness/Frankness

2. What do you dislike most about me?
(a) Gossipy/petty
(b) Bad temper/Being crude/vulgar/loud
(c) Too frank/direct/insensitive – meaning being an asshole at times
(d) Sarcastic/judgemental
(e) Cheap skate/calculative

If the list is way too brief or whatever that is on your mind is not in the list, feel free to elaborate.

Thank you.

The replies were an eye opener. I know – I only posted these questions to my good friends and not to those people whom I think, might even dislike me. The result might be bias, but at least can be used as a yardstick on how I score among my most loved friends (you know who you are!).

I can be rest assured now that they do not value my friendship based on my generosity. Some of them don’t even KNOW that I am generous. Bloody hell. I hope I don’t fall under the cheapo category either.

I scored very high in the humour department. ALL my friends chose HUMOROUS as my most likeable attribute. Nowdays, it has come to the point where, they only need to see my face and laugh. I think I could consider switching career to stand up comedian or something. I have an infectious laughter.

A friend commented I score low in resourcefulness, not because I am not resourceful, but because he doesn't really give a shit if I am resourceful or not. I lose further points for never remembering how to get to places (only to that particular church, ok ?? and PJ area)

Some pointed out that I forgot about sincerity - sometimes (only sometimes?) I seem to be genuinely concerned. Interestingly, I didn’t know that I scored quite well for being a listener, as most of the time, I am the one doing most of the talking in any conversation.

Other than that, some find my directness appealing and some think it might turn people off for being brutally honest and frank. Some think I am a loveable asshole.

My worst feature would be: Bearing grudges for the longest time – I was advised to “let it go, dammit.” Hell hath no fury like a woman’s scorn? Or no one delights more in vengeance than a woman. So, don’t make me angry. I am quite small gas. (Cantonose: Siu hey - easily irked and bear grudges)

Some pinpointed my lack of will power to continue my diet and gym as my main weaknesses and told me to send this questionnaire to my enemy. Luckily, she didn’t say “enemies”.

I know it is kinda ridiculous (Extracted verbatim from one e-mail: Hahahahah... How can I resist this. This is the kind of silly thing I'd expect from you) to ask your friends to quantify you based on your behavior but this is a good way to find out whether your friends truly give a shit about you.

The moral of this frivolous game is; true friends would truthfully love you for who you are; irregardless appearance, expensive taste, popularity, how much money you have, being trendy, sexual preferences, lack of taste in men, etc. Some may even like you for being who you are: in my case, I am a loveable asshole.

A friend said, “Even though we are different, we complement each other. That is why we stick together.” This sparks a warm fuzzy feeling inside my heart.

"God gave us our relatives; thank God we can choose our friends." I am glad I chose well.