UNWELL

For some reasons, I am feeling a bit depressed these days. Some close friends did noticed that I was a bit.. off. Am I having a mid life crisis now? At age 30? Not even 30 yet! Pushing 30? I thought aging is not an issue for me. Or Ann said, it was because of my self-imposed home quarantine over the weekend had my brain cells gone mad. It was a relaxing weekend though, I could say.

Little things irked the shit out of me.

To make matters worse, I was at my wits end to reject a friend’s invitation to attend her wedding dinner this Friday. This friend – I haven’t met her for like.. 12 freaking years? I wish I could have spontaneously tell her to her face – well, go f*ck yourself. If you don’t bother keeping in touch for 12 years, why now?

I am quite pissed with myself that I didn’t bother to adhere to the guidelines that I had set for myself regarding attendance. Geez! I miss my bitchy self.

As I was driving home in the rain today, the first song that greeted me in the car was Unwell, by Matchbox20. How apt.

Unwell
Matchbox 20
(More Than You Think You Are)

All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something

Hold on
Feeling like I’m headed for a breakdown
And I don’t know why

[chorus]

But I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell
I know right now you can’t tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you’ll see
A different side of me
I’m not crazy, I’m just a little impaired
I know right now you don’t care
But soon enough you’ve gonna think of me
And how I used to be...me

I’m talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they’ve all been talking about me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow I’ve lost my mind

[chorus]

But I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell
I know right now you can’t tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you’ll see
A different side of me
I’m not crazy, I’m just a little impaired
I know right now you don’t care
But soon enough you’ve gonna think of me
And how I used to be

I’ve been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they’ll come to get me
Yeah, they’re taking me away

[chorus]

But I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell
I know right now you can’t tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you’ll see
A different side of me
I’m not crazy, I’m just a little impaired
I know right now you don’t care
But soon enough you’ve gonna think of me
And how I used to be

Yeah, how I used to be
How I used to be
Well, I’m just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be
I’m just a little unwell

I’ll snap out of it.. soon. Thanks, Takeshi, for being there.