ALL BY MYSELF

When I was young
I never needed anyone
And makin’ love was just for fun
Those days are gone

Livin’ alone

I think of all the friends I’ve known
But when I dial the telephone
Nobody’s home

All by myself

Don’t wanna be
All by myself anymore
All by myself
Don’t wanna live
All by myself anymore

Hard to be sure
Some times I feel so insecure
And love so distant and obscure
Remains the cure

All by myself
Don’t wanna be
All by myself anymore
All by myself
Don’t wanna live
All by myself anymore

Eric Carmen

One evening, my sister and I were discussing on getting a house over dinner. As I attacked my mother’s delicious stirred fried seng kuang with gusto, my sister looked at me, quiet.

Then, she broke the silence.

“Well, in the end, there would be only two persons left in this house – you and me. Exactly like this. Two old ladies having a quiet dinner.”

I rolled my eyes, then told her to quickly find a husband and dismiss the discussion.

A few nights ago, while I was downloading the pics I took in Taiping, my sister told me that my third aunt, who is unmarried and now aged 59, is lonely. Third aunt told her that, since our grandmother (third aunt’s mother) passed on, things had changed even if we didn’t notice it. She said, my third aunt feels so lonely without her mother/our grandmother. My sister assured her that we would treat her like our own mother and take good care of her, just like our other aunts. Third Aunt said, it is not the same. Things will never be the same again.

Then, my sis urged me to get married. She is even thinking of adopting a child. I think the cuckoo had flown off the nest.

What is this nonsense? Perhaps I could feel confident now that I don’t need anyone because I am young (still), have many friends and a loving family. Like I had advocated in my previous posts, marriage is not the ONLY solution to loneliness.

Ann did asked me the same question the night before she got hitched – whether or not I am worried that my biological clock is ticking and I still don’t have a man. I told her, as-a-matter-of-factly that, I have somehow mentally prepared myself to be alone the rest of my life. It is just too bad because I have good genes and unable to pass them on. Ha ha ha. Tak tau malu.

WY has started fretting now (actually, she had been fretting since puberty - heh!) and advised me to apportion more time in “hunting” down the eligible men and not to hang out too much with unnecessary frivolous friends. I told her I could take care of myself and she should save the advice for herself. I am breaking the promise I’ve made to her, by going with her to the MCA Cupid’s Club if we are still single when we hit 30.

And.. an e-mail to my dear Ed …

Gina wrote:

remember mah. 32 year old is a good age for a woman. remember the movie? 20-30-40? 30 is the best time leh. so make the most of it.

i hope you find a nice man soon. i am sure he is out there somewhere.

Ed wrote:

nono. pls dun hope tat. u might as well hope i find USD2Mil

man is poison in this lifetime.

u want a man or not???

Gina wrote:

if got man, i take lah. no man also ok. ha ha ha

And.. last but not least, a very nice Mr K, is overly worried about me being a singleton and procrastinating over it..

Mr K wrote:

actually i find that u r cool...maybe over cool and over ....relax. not that i am saying that's no good, as i often look up to u on your positivity and living life to be free, but just my two cents of my observation. perhaps u r too relaxed. u sud take things in a slightly bigger deal manner rather than jus letting things go just like that.

the other example may be Mr XXX. i think ur chinchai attitude, if were to be bucked up abit, can really strike soemthing with that guy. i really dont see why nor dont wanna lose some weight for his sake IF NOT for yourself? dont hv so much ego lar.

The dieting thing too. welll...shikes, i really should not say too much, i mean i sud not comment and teach u how to live life. Sorry mate.

Wah.. he sounded more kan cheong (Cantonese: Anxious) than my mother!!

Anyway, on a serious note, before you start labeling me as an envious spinster and extreme feminist, I do believe in good family values. I totally adore family who stick together in times of trouble. I totally support having a family unit on your own. I am really happy to see my friends happily married. Happily married here doesn’t mean that, there is no problem.

Or before you start thinking I am incapable of love, well, in fact, I did try. It is just that he doesn’t think I am worthy of his love. Aquarians maybe flamboyant, but once we set our hearts, there is no turning back.

If you are expecting me to give you a solution, you are wrong. I could only say one thing, and this is the principle that I am living by each day: Come what may and I would embrace it with my whole heart and soul.

Everything happens for a reason. Certain things are meant to be. Maybe somehow along the way, loneliness might get a better grip of me, I need to constantly remind myself - you make life grow on your own, not on perception of others. Life goes on, with or without a man.