DURIANS FOR THOUGHTS

Happy Birthday, Ms Lactose!

Dissatisfied with the food quality at Stadium Negara Steamboat where we celebrated Ms Lactose's birthday, I had to think fast, in order not to disappoint the birthday girl and the rest of the company (actually it was just a quiet dinner with the four of us – self, Ms Lactose, WY and Sekinchan Boy. CK and Bee Stung Lips couldn’t make it due to work commitment).

I proposed DURIANS as dessert at Sri Rampai, Setapak. The proposal was unanimously seconded by the happy-eating people.

Under a bamboo hut overlooking the main road, we attacked the tasty durians with gusto. At the same time, we worried that SB might suffocate himself, by looking at the barbaric durian- eating technique that he possessed.... Thinking of the bright side, I would bet my last ringgit, that he would win any durian eating contests hands down.

WY in Deep Thoughts Over Durians

When it came to the last piece, SB offered it to me – I politely declined as I couldn’t even breathe in air without feeling the buttons on my jeans exploding. And then, trying to be smart, I became superstitious like WY.

Self: If you partake the last piece, you would be married last.. or worse.. you won’t get married at all!!

SB: Since you mentioned you have chosen not to get married – why don’t you have the last piece to save us all from this jinx.

Self: @#$%^&*

I should have just shut the hell up.

Then, my mind drifted to what a girlfriend told me during recent outing with her.

Apprehensive about my lifestyle now, she asked “How long do you think your group of friends would stay with you?”

Her question slightly shook the comfort zone that I am in now – I am happy for the time being with friends and the kaki makan that I have now. Simple woman, simple needs.

Her concern is quite true. Most of the friends I met 10 years ago are no longer the same – they have families, different ways of life, different pursuits in life, etc. We no longer hang out together. Of course, we still keep in touch and cherish the good memories in one corner of our hearts.

As nothing in this world is permanent. I accept the fact that friends come and go. We may be the best of friends since childhood – but as we progress and grow older, our mindsets start to change. We have different needs, ideals, ambitions, etc.

It is not befuddling that there are still so many single women in this era. Women nowadays make money on their own, highly independent and mobile, and no longer need to rely on men to bring the bread to the table. Women now have more choices (so do men). Women now are more demanding. This is not feminism, it is an evolution.

Getting married is not the ultimate solution. Everyone wish for marital bliss. But when reality sets in, you would have to deal with a different kind of issues altogether. Certain couples would still have difficulties even after many, many years together. Successful marriages depend on the two persons to make it work, having open hearts to accept each other shortcomings and willingness to see beyond one’s weaknesses.

It is not that I don’t support the sanctity of marriages. Some people are meant to get married – to take care of other people. Some of them marry for the sake of being married. Some marry because biological clock is ticking away. Some of them marry, hoping that their children would take care of them when they are old and grey (for those people who think this would happen – don’t even think about it), etc.

Understandably, most people would like to have someone to grow old with; someone to share their life journey and stories together and, someone special to take the walk in life together. It is all choices. I would be lying if I said I do not wish to have that special someone. Like they say, “No man’s an island”. On the other hand, if it is destined that I would remain alone the rest of my life, I am prepared to accept it. Come what may.

I wouldn’t like to end this post on a negative note. Take it from a dear friend of mine who is optimistic about finding his soul mate, there is somebody for everybody.

I wish all of you good luck in finding your other halves. When you found him/her, don’t let jealousy, malicious thoughts, over expectations, perfectionism, ego and childish games lead you astray. Keep an open mind about the relationship. We should always see things from a broader perspective and open up our hearts and souls to accept someone the way he/she is, but not to the extent of short changing ourselves because time is running out.

Don’t worry. Be happy. Make your own life worth living, before you could share your worth with others.