HOLDING ON TO A BROKEN HEART

Holding on to a Broken Heart

Today, I am depressed. Sorry. I don’t blog whenever I am depressed. It is just plain … depressing. (Creativity tends to stump too when you are depressed)

People say love is blind. To me, love is bloody damn complicated.

I was on a roller coaster ride at this very moment. Usually I don’t show it. Rarely, good friends would notice. Binging is my remedy for depression, or I tend to be aloof. I don’t share much of my feelings, even to the closest of friends. I would tell them – in some hilarious ways to camouflage the actual hurt that I am feeling. Occasionally, I would breakdown in tears when the things cooped up far too long inside. But right after that, I would be okay. I believe in the "glass being half full rather than half empty" shit.

Today, after a gruesome workout in Body Step class, I turned to TFF for a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. Apparently, she was totally burnt out. I think she would slip into a comatose if I dragged her along and forced her listen to my melodramatic stories over a cup of Strawberry and Cream Frappucino.

So, I decided to take a walk (hike) in KLCC – wandering aimlessly, thinking of who I could talk to, who would listen to all my petty stuffs without showing signs of disgust. It was almost 10 pm, I couldn’t think of anyone.

I hit back home with my stereo on Mix.fm, full blast.

9.53 pm.

It is weird because, sometimes, you listen to the songs on the radio without giving much thought. But tonight, I listened. I listened to every damn word in the songs played.

I was rather surprised that the songs were actually talking to me, in times of my greatest despair... when I couldn’t think of anyone to annoy. I don’t even have to pay for coffee. Or trying mighty hard to control myself from breaking down in public.

Heck – I ran past a red light without stopping (again) and,in less than 3 seconds, the radio went:

Kid on radio : Red – Kiiiiihhhhhhh. Stop.

Man on radio: If a kid knows that red is for stop, doesn’t it make an adult look silly if they don’t?

(Something to that effect)

Bummer!

Then the songs reflecting my innermost feelings were on air. It was as if I were talking to a friend-in-need: (and in the exact order too! Creepy!)

The Assessment Talk: How deep is your love? by Bee Gees

How deep is your love, how deep is your love?
I really mean to learn
Cause we're living in a world of fools
Breaking us down when they all should let us be
We belong to you and me.

I believe in you
You know the door to my very soul.
You're the light in my deepest darkest hour
You're my saviour when I fall

And you may not think I care for you
When you know down inside that I really do
and it's me you need to show
How deep is your love?

The Reminiscing Talk: Sweetest Days by Vanessa Williams

All the while, life is rushing by us
Hold it now and don't let go
These are the days
The sweetest days we'll know

So we'll whisper a dream here in the darkness
Watching the stars till they're gone
And then even the memories have all faded away
These days go on and on

Listen now, you can hear our heartbeat
Hold me now and don't let go
These are the days
Every day is the sweetest day we'll know

These are the days
The sweetest days we'll know

The Agony Talk: Please forgive me by Bryan Adams

Please forgive me - I know not what I do
Please forgive me - I can't stop lovin' you
Don't deny me - this pain I'm going through
Please forgive me - if I need ya like I do
Please believe me - the way I say is true
Please forgive me - I can't stop lovin' you

The Denial Talk: It’s my life by Talk Talk

Funny how I find myself
in love with you
If I could buy my reasoning
I'd pay to lose

One half won't do

I've asked myself
How much do you
commit yourself?

It's my life
Don't you forget
It's my life
It never ends (It never ends)

Funny how I blind myself
I never knew
If I was sometimes played upon
Afraid to lose

I'd tell myself
what good you do
Convince myself

It's my life
Don't you forget
It's my life
It never ends

The Acceptance Talk: Some old song, by some Frankie guy. Didn’t get his name. Ferry in your mercy?

I don’t know the lyrics.. but the first sentence is good enough.

LIFE GOES ON.

It's a miracle. I get my problem solved with 5 songs.

P.S. I couldn't make up my mind about the title of this post, so I asked my Wise Friend 648 times until he was so damn pissed.