MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS, GAYS ARE FROM URANUS?

Gender Blender

In between coffee breaks and munching on Cap Ping Pong crackers, (all time Malaysian favorite cream crackers), Ed and I strolled down memory lane together on yahoo messenger, on our encounters with men while still students in TAR College. We talked mainly on the silly things we/the others had done to get the opposite sex’s attention, err.. as for Ed, the same sex’s attention…

Man #1 – Ed’s – Nickname: Loon Loon

He made Loon Loon, Cap Ping Pong crackers with tuna/ sardine

Ed: Sandwich the cracker with tuna or sardin
Ed: toast inside oven for 2 minutes
Ed: adui sedapnya (Malay: Yummy!)
Ed: all the hsemate beratur in the kitchen (Malay: Line up)
Ed: so i told them
Self: wahhhh
Ed: go korek ur fucking pocket n buy me the cracker n sardin (Malay: Dig)
Ed: i day day do (Broken english: I will make the cracker toast everyday)
Ed: dont think u wanna eat free!!!!!
Self: hahaha
Ed: i so "jin" (Cantonese: Mean/Ulterior motive)
Self: no mah
Self: student mah that time, where got money
Ed: go n make and send to loon loon
Ed: n all his hsemate go like......WAHHHHHH
Self: Jin Kak! (Cantonese: Mean/Ulterior motive/You Slut!)

Man #2 – Mine – Nickname: Leong Char Chai

I made leong char (Cantonese: Chinese herbal tea to get rid of heatiness) for this really cute boy with really small pearly white organized teeth.

Self: I pou leong char for this boy (Cantonese: Brew)
Self: coz he coughed non stop for a week
Ed: then how
Self: from that day onwards
Self: his nick name is leong char chai (Cantonese: Boy)
Self: lol
Ed: u got taro bulu jibai into the liong sui or not???? (Malay & Hokkien: Put in female pubic hair in the herbal drink)
Ed: ha ha ha aha a
Self: hahaahahahahah
Self: no worr.. it works???
Ed: i sooo bastard
Ed: i heard it does worr
Ed: from a thai fren
Self: you really put pubic hair in your leong char ah?
Ed: hmmmmmmmmmm
Self: lol

Man #3 – Mine – Nickname: BKT Guy

I washed this guy’s clothes.

Self: I once washed clothes for a guy
Self: coz i kam thong, he cooked for me mah (Cantonese: I am touched)
Ed: aiyo
Self: i told him to go ta pao BKT (Cantonese: To pack Bak Kut Teh - Chinese favorite pork rib in herbal soup)
Self: then he came home without BKT
Ed: hmmm
Self: i said - eh? no BKT?
Self: he said, I am cooking for you
Self: i said .. ehh?? how come leh?
Self: coz the BKT shop not open today
Self: so, you ta pao some other things lah
Self: no no - you want BKT, I will give you BKT
Ed: hmmmmm
Self: so he cook for me worrrrr
Self: i buat selamba saja (Malay: act as if nothing unusual has taken place)
Ed: u freaking liar!!!!!!
Self: no lah
Ed: i stay in tarc 3 tahun (Malay: years)
Self: aint liar!!!
Ed: mana ada jantan bagus macam tu!!!!! (Malay: Doubting there is such a good man)

Man #4 – Mine – Nickname: Hoi Man Keong

Self: ada lagi satu jantan lagi nice (Malay: One more nice male)
Self: my housemate also
Ed: okok
Self: he knows i am on diet
Self: so i dont eat much
Self: usually only dinner - one meal only
Ed: hmm
Self: then he scared i got no strength to study
Self: then, he went to heat up the chicken essence for me!

Ed: huh
Ed: u lie again!!!!!!
Ed: aaaaaaarrrrgghhhhhh
Self: no lah
Self: i tak tipu.. (Malay: I am not lying)
Self: so i told him i am a vegetarian
Self: i told him to have it himself lah
Self: i duwan
Ed: hmmmm
Ed: so swweeet
Self: he looks like the shanghai beach’s Hoi Man Keong*, you know!!
Ed: Gimme his number!!

* famous 80s Shanghai triad society series (akin to the Godfather)


Man #5 – Mine – Nickname: Ah Liang

Self: i remembered once i was sick
Ed: how ah?
Self: mata bengkak like ultraman (Malay: Eyes swollen) due to allergies
Ed : oooo
Self: caused by panadol and ubat cap kaki tiga (Local brand of fever medicine)
Self: take together
Self: then bad reaction
Self: kena cucuk rm130!! (Malay: Injection costs me RM130)
Self: then this house mate - a boy
Self: who gave me the cap kaki tiga
Self: he was very worried
Self: the doc said, have to put eye drop every 4 hours
Self: then this housemate - he woke up every 4 hours
Self : administer the eye drops for me
Self: very kam thong!! (Cantonese: Touched)
Self: then cook for me chicken and mushroom with porridge!
Ed: huh
Ed : u lie again????
Self: serious worr
Ed: y i study so many years nobody cook for me?????
Self: Coz you are too busy cooking for other people!

Self: hahah.. i have really good male housemates lah..

Score Board – Luck with Men

Ed: 1 Self: 4