THE ART OF FORGIVING

Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heal that has crushed it.
- Mark Twain-

Sugar shared with me about forgiveness. They talked about it during one of their Christian fellowship in the office every Friday. She tried to drag me in to join them for a few times, but to no avail. I wouldn’t want to join them coz I was afraid they might find it too tedious to exorcise the devil in me. Worse.. I would probably lose my job for scaring the shit outta Xmas Boy with the foams in my mouth during exorcism.

Jokes aside, to forgive someone is never easy, depending on the degree of grievousness of the harm that one inflicted on you.

It may be merely a speech, gesture, remark, act, etc.

What does it take to forgive someone?

Over lunch last week, a dear friend on an impending divorce proceeding, asked me if it is alright for her to forgive her husband for his grave infidelity.

I was touched and enlightened by her courage and compassionate heart.

Her reason being, no matter how much he has hurt her, there is no point trying to get even. It would cause him to hate her more. What is the point of clinging onto him when he doesn’t love her anymore? This would make both their lives miserable – one constantly hating, one causing the hatred.

She said, for now, she hasn’t cultivate enough forgiveness within her heart to just let things go, it would take time, but nevertheless, it will arrive to a point, where nothing else can be done, except to forgive. She is contemplating to withdraw charges on her polygamist husband, for him to carry on with his life and for letting her to live in peace.

All things happened for a reason. She understands that she is facing a horribly challenging time now, and hopes that her perseverance will help her to see things beyond the depths of despair that she is in now.

I encourage her to forgive him and let the things naturally fall into places. It might not be repaid this lifetime, probably a few lifetimes down the road, not for us to dictate, but the laws of cause and effect.

Probably by forgiving him, it would even make him feel remorse of his own actions, and to help him to seek forgiveness from her. This will not only help one person, but two.

Like the bible says in Matthew 5.44 “Love your enemies, pray for those who persecute you.”

Quarrels are to be avoided by patience and forgiveness, for responding to hatred by further hatred only maintains the cycle of vengeance and retaliation. The true conquest of hatred is achieved by non-hatred, by forbearance, by love (Dhammapada 4-6).