MY SUPER DUPEY BLIND DATE

I went on a blind date yesterday. Let me rephrase that - I was chaperoning Ms Lactose on a blind date yesterday. Let me rephrase that again – I replaced a friend to chaperon Ms Lactose on a blind date, of whom we have no connection whatsoever – he was being introduced to me last week on MSN so I could bring him out to meet Ms Lactose on behalf of this well meaning friend who convinced me that he is a nice guy. Get it?

It has been awhile since I last dated/ chaperoned. Blind dates sometimes can be fun as you don’t know what to expect. And usually, blind dates would end up quite interesting (it bound to happen if you go out with me – ahem!) and amusing, and be kept as memories (good or bad is another story) in one’s dating scene.

Yesterday’s was no exception.

The intended restaurant – Nippon Tei was scrapped after the man complained of stomach discomfort, and preferred to eat something light. (Japanese food is usually light, right?) Can’t blame him. He is 46 years old.

We ended up in Little Penang Café. I like the devil’s curry anyway.

For someone with an upset stomach, he sure had hell a lot of appetite. He had the loh mee, prawn mee, ju hu char, lobak, top hats and red ruby dessert.

Looks aside, it is quite a turn off to flaunt your wealth. Probably, working girls from China who look for gold to dig would totally appreciate you but for sophisticated women like Ms Lactose (and me), this trick doesn’t work. I have rich friends – they don’t flaunt their wealth. They are rather miserly and very down to earth.

With gem studded rings and bangles on both hands, his “share price” plummeted again. Then I came to know after the date, that the bangles were meant for rheumatism. Ms Lactose saw her 50++ year old brother wearing the same thing for his rheumatism. Gawd. Meaning – it’s an old man’s bangle?

I wasn’t really paying attention but Ms Lactose spotted tattoos on his arms – big, huge ones. “Share price” further decreased.

We ended dinner abruptly, not that we intended to, to catch a movie. It’s a favor to stop his "share price" from plummeting.

As we were lining up for tickets, we saw some seats highlighted in yellow and asked what seats are those. The seats were meant for the disabled.

To our horror, he started to suffer serious head concussion and behaving like a retard. He asked the equally baffled ticketing assistant, whether we could get the seats for the handicapped. I wished the earth would swallow me that instant. I wished I have super lame sense of humour.

The scene where Tom Cruise jumping up and down on the sofa like a retard on Oprah Winfrey show played in my mind that instant repetitively. The difference is, Tom Cruise is so darn gorgeous even in his 40s. If the super gorgeous Tom Cruise was not forgiven for his silly antics; what makes a man in his late 40s, with rings and rheumatism bangles, very bad hair cut, tattooed eye brows in brown color, (Yes! Euwwww!!!!!!!!!!) thinks he could get away with it?

We were hoping that the darkness in the cinema would help us to temporary forget that we were with him, but nooooooooooooooo….

His share price took a nose dive to non existence the moment he snored. And it was loud. Really LOUD – as in everyone staring at us and him, and laughed at us instead of laughing at the movie. It was a comedy (the movie.... and us).

Me: Eh – please elbow him!!!

Ms Lactose: GINA!!! He is your friend!!!! YOU wake him up!

Me: No! He is NOT my friend. ELBOW HIM!!

Ms Lactose: I am not going to touch him.

Me: Please wake him up and say, if he is tired, he can go home NOW.

Ms Lactose tapped his shoulder and told him exactly what I have said.

He woke up and struggled hard to stay awake.

When the movie ended, we dashed out from the cinema and went straight to the car park. We bid good bye hastily and we thought the worst was over when we got into our car.

But hell no.

He called me and said his parking ticket got stuck in the vending machine with his money as well.

Hello? Look, Mister. Do we look like someone who can help you with the vending machine? Call lah the security guard! Aichoh!

Anyway, we were quite concerned and out of courtesy sake, we gave him a call a few minutes later to make sure he was alright.

Ms Lactose and I learned some lessons out of this outing.

1. Not all men would look as good as my boss at age 46. (Yes – my boss is G-O-R-G-E-O-U-S!!)
2. We are not THAT desperate.
3. It has somehow made us think that most people you get to know from the internet are lame, pervert or maniac, desperate, inane, insane, etc.
4. So what if you are filthy rich?
5. I should stop mingling with friends who have bad taste. (LOL! Kidding!)

Well, to give this guy the benefit of the doubt, he did warn us about him snoring in cinemas and made an effort to stay awake throughout the movie. We are to be blamed for not taking his warning seriously. We hope he won’t go to any movies with his future dates (with someone else) and we wish him all the best in finding his soul mate.

Other equally goofy dating stories

Dateless in Selayang
I Have A Date with Loose Springs
The Man With a Pan
Reality Bites
Dating Protocol