DISEASES AND SYMPTOMS

* This is intended to be a joke. You know joke – as in fun? Poking fun at people is fun, even if it could be mean at times.

I was very annoyed yesterday morning when I couldn’t comprehend a word Sekinchan Boy was saying on MSN. Out of frustration and feeling utterly annoyed, I came up with this:-

Disease: Penyakit LBS (aka Sekinchan Boy)

Symptoms: Unclear speech, muffling when making speech, trying hard to get across to people what you are trying to say, terover-over buy insurance, drive more than 200 km per day to and fro work, then complain about it – yet never do anything about it, never listen to other people’s advice, like durians too much, think he himself is God.

The cure: Chances of cure is next to none.

After that, there’s no stopping me anymore. I think this is a nasty way to point out a friend’s bad habits but it’s fun! (even it is very mean and some people might not be able to take it, but this is me lah. To be fair, I mock myself first). This list consists of people who attended WY’s birthday bash .. except Caroline. I don’t know what to write about this woman coz she is too nice.

Disease: Penyakit Gina

Symptoms: Overly conceited. Overuse of sarcasm. Sometimes PMS always get in the way. Get easily frustrated. Unforgiving. “I am ALWAYS RIGHT AND SCREW YOU” attitude. Can be quite anal when provoked (Heck, not provoked also lah). Cannot control gluttony. Extremist – you are lucky if she likes you and if she hates you – that’s the end of you. Talks too much.

To cure: Probably will recover by removal of the stick stuck to the ass.

Disease: Penyakit WY

Symptoms: Falling in love helplessly with the WRONG MEN (read: attached), tendency to bake cakes for people to show affection, enjoys taking public transport too much, will indulge in any activity that involve men participation, oblivious about things surrounding her – ignorance sometimes is indeed bliss.

To cure: Get laid soon.

Disease: Penyakit Ms Lactose

Symptoms: Sudden movement of body in presence of music, irregardless of place. Develop killer eyes – she can be a stone cold bitch if you don’t know her at first. Throw tantrums on selected people at times. Tend to be very nice to people who treat her like a door mat. Very bad luck with car and men.

To cure: Actually this disease is not that bad at all. Probably need to pray more often and give more joss sticks and joss papers offerings during major Chinese festivals to counter off the bad luck with the car and MEN!

Disease: Penyakit Ed

Symptoms: Very domesticated. Very pat poh at times. Quite crafty. Can stir a storm in the kitchen. Too nice to be true at times.

To cure: Ed is a Goddess. You don’t need a cure.

Disease: Penyakit Tiffany

Symptoms: Behave like a porn star even in public places (only verbally, unfortunately). “Prostitute” is her standard answer when people asked her what’s her profession. Her job title is Suck-cock-tary. Too pretty, sometimes people wonder if she did go for a little nip and tuck. Ability to illustrate a situation by acting.

To cure: Winning an academy award for porn star category.

Disease: Penyakit CK

Symptoms: Tend to spend more than earn. Packaging is everything! Parasiting on gullible friends. Ignoring friends when you found your other half. (Actually this is quite common. You don't have to have diseases for this symptom). Keep on complaining about your other half and yet, never do anything about it. (Something similar to Penyakit LBS – complain complain, no action, but less chronic – at least he is getting laid).

To cure: There is no cure for people who are in love with genitals. When he is out of love, probably a tight slap would do him good.

Well, just to let my friends know, I love them very much, despite having terrible diseases... but please don't infect me.