TILL DEATH DO US PART?

Last Saturday, I went to see an old friend who is in need of a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. After months wallowing in the depths of despair, she came out from the dark to share her story.

She is now in the midst of a divorce proceeding. The reason: a third party. Her best friend of 10 years and husband of 5 years, claimed that all he wanted was a wife and not another mother.

Who would think that the husband, being a filial son-in-law and a religious person who always pray and meditate as soon as he gets home from work, never missed a single home cooked dinner, taking vows of the 5 prohibitions (Buddhist – womanizing, smoking, gambling, drinking, wandering thoughts) would do this to his wife?

Is this how a husband should treat a wife who had all these years, being the pillar of strength in their modest household? Can someone just fall out of love, in a blink of an eye?

Like the Cantonese saying goes, “Eat slipper’s rice” (Meaning: Dependent on the women/wife/girl friend to bring in the dough) , the husband has been in and out of jobs. Not because of his lack of paper qualification, he was just unlucky in business. His partners cheated on him numerous times. He almost gave up hope. The wife, unconditionally, took over his responsibilities in providing for the family: taking care of the needs of his old parents, himself and struggling to make ends meet.

The wife, helped him to raise a capital for him to start a business anew, he was all set to Kuala Lumpur to look for opportunity. Instead of starting a new business, he started an affair and made a brainless 23 year old kampung girl pregnant, who naively thought that she ended up with a golden tortoise (Cantonese: Rich husband) The husband is fond of telling people that he is a rich man.

In the whole of 5 years together, the mother-in-law who always sided the wife whenever there is an argument between the husband and wife, began to side the son. She had conveniently forgotten who is the one who feed them when they are hungry, gave them clothes when they are cold, and put the roof above their heads to shelter them from rain and shine.

It disheartened me that my close friend of 16 years would end up in this state. Not only marrying a stray and unappreciative husband, but also left and scorned by her own parents-in-law who used to love her. She has nothing wrong, dutifully played the role of a wife.. part of the reason, would be probably she is just barren.

The husband, secretly arrange a wedding reception with the second wife even without his own parent’s knowledge (at the bride’s expenses) and now, given birth to a child out-of-wedlock early January, without even executing any papers to divorce the former wife. From this description, we all know, it is so obvious that someone is doing things using the lower head near his groin.

My friend is thankful that she is out of the gut and being able to stand up once again. She learnt who are her closest friends during the time when help is mostly needed. Thankfully, good karma comes to those who did good. She is a kind person to almost anyone who knew her. So, all her friends supported her fully and some of them even offered help without her asking.

I hope things would turn out to be okay for her. What I admire most about her is her ability to laugh in the times of trouble, not dwelling in her sorrows and a calm mind to accept things she cannot change. No doubt, it would take a long, long time to heal the wounds in her heart, I guess positive outlook towards life is the key to keep on living.

I felt a tinge of bitterness in her eyes whenever she talked about the traveled rocky roads in her life and yet able to flicker a warm smile, in order not to let singletons like me to loose hope in the sanctity of a marriage.

I pray that God would give her strength to face challenges of a new day, and let her see small miracles in her daily walk in this new chapter of her life.