THE LAI MA TERROR
Yesterday, as I was happily chatting with Ms Pok a.k.a. Popiah; waiting for the delicious vegetarian noodle in a coffee shop in Selayang, I saw Lai Ma marching towards us. I felt utterly disgusted and tried not to look at her direction and acted busy, talking to Popiah.
She came over and patted me on my shoulder and said hi. I said hi back to her, with emotionless face. I dreaded the thought she might sit down with us, as there were only two of us at the table.
Why is this happening to me, man? What did I do??
Two weeks ago, she sent me the annoying sms, and I bumped into her at Matta Fair the following week – which I successfully avoided her by hiding behind Chubby when she walked past.
My nightmare in broad daylight of Sunday morning materialized. She came to sit with us – uninvited.
Here’s the conversation that we had over the cursed breakfast.
Lai Ma: So hello?
Me: Where is your mother? (Actually I was trying to be sarcastic here. Since she always has no one else eating with her other than her own mother. I don’t have to give any explanation by the way she is behaving.)
Lai Ma: She went off to buy things. Did you receive my sms? (To jog your memory, the sms sounds like this - “I got a new job teaching at college (start Feb). They pay about 4k. I work part time tutor and part time teaching online student. 3 jobs will get about 6k. Keep in touch. Regards, Lai Ma”.)
Me: I can’t remember. I was very busy with my brother’s wedding. (Looking confused and uninterested)
Lai Ma: Oh! Congratulations!! What does your brother do now?
Me: My brother is with IBM, now Lenovo.
Lai Ma: Wah.. big company huh? Your brother doing IT?
Me: Yes, of course. (What a stupid question??!!! Obviously it is IT, then? Selling chickens??)
Lai Ma: I have a friend working there too. Must be getting about RM5k? Got or not?
Me: I don’t know. (Actually, what does it gotta do with you, you stupid bitch?)
Lai Ma: Eh, I heard the Monk now is a writer. With 98.8?
Me: Yes. He is.
Lai Ma: Is he doing full time or part time?
Me: He works from home, so he is always at home, you can pay him a visit if you like. (Trying to get even with the Monk for laughing at me, getting unwanted attention from Lai Ma).
At the same time, I sms the Monk: Guess what? I am having breakfast with Lai Ma now. I told her to see you after this.
Lai Ma: How much is he getting paid per episode?
Me: I am not sure. You can ask him yourself.
Lai Ma: So, did you get my sms two weeks ago? (This woman is @#$%^&*)
Me: NO (@#$%^&*) My friend here is a Finance Director.
Popiah: Hi. Nice to meet you. (I hope she didn’t mean it)
Lai Ma: Wah. You own a company?
Popiah: Oh. Small company only.
Me: But I heard it is going to be listed? When are you gonna list your company?
Popiah: Not too soon. Have to maintain the net profit about RM2 million for 3 years consecutively, then only can qualify to be listed.
Me: Oh.. so this year is which year already?
Lai Ma was quiet throughout the entire conversation. She couldn’t find any related issue to brag about. I guess she didn’t have a clue about we were talking about – merchant bankers, IPOs, registrars, listing requirements, accounting standards, due diligence, etc.
Then, the noodles girl came.
Noodle girl: Eh!! You look so familiar. (Looking at Popiah)
Popiah: Huh? Really? How so?
Noodle Girl: You are the one saying, “Loi Yan Keh Chin Hai Chui Yong Ee Chan Keh” – (Women are easier to part with their money). You came with a friend, buying ear rings. Your friend is pregnant and she was carrying a Dior bag.
Me: THAT remark obviously came from her. *Smiles*
Popiah: OH!! That must be me then!! Ha ha! You remember!
Me: What ear rings lah? The RM10 for 3 in Mid Valley? The chandelier ear rings?
Popiah: No lah. Branded ones. A few hundred ringgit per pair. My friend bought a lot that day. No wonder she remembers.
Lai Ma: Oh, I notice Gina doesn’t wear ear rings.
Me: I don’t believe in spending unnecessary money.
Lai Ma: You know ah, I went to Japan, they took us to this very branded shop. Everyone spent so much – a few thousands of ringgit on branded bags and shoes.
Me: Branded or not branded is not an issue. If you don’t have the face and carry an original LV bag costing a few thousand dollars, people would still think you bought it from Petaling Street.
Popiah: HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Lai Ma: I had my eyes lasered four months ago. I feel good. Better than wearing glasses – you people should get your eyesight corrected. (Trying to change topic)
Both Popiah and I were wearing glasses.
Popiah: I look better in glasses.
Me: I have a friend who underwent this laser thing a year ago.. and now she had to operate her eyes due to some holes in her eyeballs. She refused to admit it is because of the laser treatment.
Lai Ma: Your friend must have not following the docs instruction properly. Like me – I trusted my doctor totally and I follow every single advice accordingly. If he told me not to move, I won’t move. Further, now I am chosen to endorse their laser treatment. They will give me follow up treatment for free.
She thought my friend here is a child who never follow instruction? Who would dare to play the fool when it comes to eyes surgery?? You will get blind if you are don’t heed advice!!! And everyone who has laser treatment will get follow ups FOR FREE la! Like I don’t know. I wasn’t born yesterday.
Me: My air steward friend is also having problems with his eyesight after the laser surgery. I don’t know what happened to him now. Probably he is blind.
*Actually I was trying to be wet blanket to scare the shit out of her. But both friends are having problems with their eyes after laser. Don’t know if it is just a minority coincidence.
Lai Ma kept on refuting the claims and said, laser surgery is the best and stressed that she is endorsing the laser treatment now. (I think the eye laser company is not THAT desperate to hire her to be their ambassador! They are making a grave mistake if they do that!)
Me: You didn’t go Ching Ming? (Trying to change topic)
Lai Ma: Not this week, maybe next week. You are not going?
Me: I am going to Cambodia next week.
Lai Ma: With who?
Me: With this nice lady here and my other 4 friends.
At this point, we already finished gobbling our breakfast as fast as we could and wanted to leave immediately. She held us on for another minute.
Lai Ma: Keep in touch. (Looking at Popiah) I like to travel too. We should go together one day. You know, I have been to 10 countries! You should go to Japan, really beautiful. You know.. this….
Popiah: We gotta go. Bye!
Me: BYE!! Eat slowly. (Please choke and die!!!)
We scurried off and never looked back.
Popiah: This is the first time I have met such obnoxious person. HA HA HA! This is hilarious!!!
The Monk later sms me back: Never mind. I am now in Genting. HA HA HA HA!!
I think I should have said something straight to her face to spare her from future embarrassment. And she still wonders why she doesn’t have friends. Like Ed said, she should see a psychiatrist. Sudah sah chronic! I bet if she ever talks to a dead person, the dead fella would get so irritated and start to toss and turn in his grave that he would rise, take his coffin and bury himself elsewhere.
She came over and patted me on my shoulder and said hi. I said hi back to her, with emotionless face. I dreaded the thought she might sit down with us, as there were only two of us at the table.
Why is this happening to me, man? What did I do??
Two weeks ago, she sent me the annoying sms, and I bumped into her at Matta Fair the following week – which I successfully avoided her by hiding behind Chubby when she walked past.
My nightmare in broad daylight of Sunday morning materialized. She came to sit with us – uninvited.
Here’s the conversation that we had over the cursed breakfast.
Lai Ma: So hello?
Me: Where is your mother? (Actually I was trying to be sarcastic here. Since she always has no one else eating with her other than her own mother. I don’t have to give any explanation by the way she is behaving.)
Lai Ma: She went off to buy things. Did you receive my sms? (To jog your memory, the sms sounds like this - “I got a new job teaching at college (start Feb). They pay about 4k. I work part time tutor and part time teaching online student. 3 jobs will get about 6k. Keep in touch. Regards, Lai Ma”.)
Me: I can’t remember. I was very busy with my brother’s wedding. (Looking confused and uninterested)
Lai Ma: Oh! Congratulations!! What does your brother do now?
Me: My brother is with IBM, now Lenovo.
Lai Ma: Wah.. big company huh? Your brother doing IT?
Me: Yes, of course. (What a stupid question??!!! Obviously it is IT, then? Selling chickens??)
Lai Ma: I have a friend working there too. Must be getting about RM5k? Got or not?
Me: I don’t know. (Actually, what does it gotta do with you, you stupid bitch?)
Lai Ma: Eh, I heard the Monk now is a writer. With 98.8?
Me: Yes. He is.
Lai Ma: Is he doing full time or part time?
Me: He works from home, so he is always at home, you can pay him a visit if you like. (Trying to get even with the Monk for laughing at me, getting unwanted attention from Lai Ma).
At the same time, I sms the Monk: Guess what? I am having breakfast with Lai Ma now. I told her to see you after this.
Lai Ma: How much is he getting paid per episode?
Me: I am not sure. You can ask him yourself.
Lai Ma: So, did you get my sms two weeks ago? (This woman is @#$%^&*)
Me: NO (@#$%^&*) My friend here is a Finance Director.
Popiah: Hi. Nice to meet you. (I hope she didn’t mean it)
Lai Ma: Wah. You own a company?
Popiah: Oh. Small company only.
Me: But I heard it is going to be listed? When are you gonna list your company?
Popiah: Not too soon. Have to maintain the net profit about RM2 million for 3 years consecutively, then only can qualify to be listed.
Me: Oh.. so this year is which year already?
Lai Ma was quiet throughout the entire conversation. She couldn’t find any related issue to brag about. I guess she didn’t have a clue about we were talking about – merchant bankers, IPOs, registrars, listing requirements, accounting standards, due diligence, etc.
Then, the noodles girl came.
Noodle girl: Eh!! You look so familiar. (Looking at Popiah)
Popiah: Huh? Really? How so?
Noodle Girl: You are the one saying, “Loi Yan Keh Chin Hai Chui Yong Ee Chan Keh” – (Women are easier to part with their money). You came with a friend, buying ear rings. Your friend is pregnant and she was carrying a Dior bag.
Me: THAT remark obviously came from her. *Smiles*
Popiah: OH!! That must be me then!! Ha ha! You remember!
Me: What ear rings lah? The RM10 for 3 in Mid Valley? The chandelier ear rings?
Popiah: No lah. Branded ones. A few hundred ringgit per pair. My friend bought a lot that day. No wonder she remembers.
Lai Ma: Oh, I notice Gina doesn’t wear ear rings.
Me: I don’t believe in spending unnecessary money.
Lai Ma: You know ah, I went to Japan, they took us to this very branded shop. Everyone spent so much – a few thousands of ringgit on branded bags and shoes.
Me: Branded or not branded is not an issue. If you don’t have the face and carry an original LV bag costing a few thousand dollars, people would still think you bought it from Petaling Street.
Popiah: HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Lai Ma: I had my eyes lasered four months ago. I feel good. Better than wearing glasses – you people should get your eyesight corrected. (Trying to change topic)
Both Popiah and I were wearing glasses.
Popiah: I look better in glasses.
Me: I have a friend who underwent this laser thing a year ago.. and now she had to operate her eyes due to some holes in her eyeballs. She refused to admit it is because of the laser treatment.
Lai Ma: Your friend must have not following the docs instruction properly. Like me – I trusted my doctor totally and I follow every single advice accordingly. If he told me not to move, I won’t move. Further, now I am chosen to endorse their laser treatment. They will give me follow up treatment for free.
She thought my friend here is a child who never follow instruction? Who would dare to play the fool when it comes to eyes surgery?? You will get blind if you are don’t heed advice!!! And everyone who has laser treatment will get follow ups FOR FREE la! Like I don’t know. I wasn’t born yesterday.
Me: My air steward friend is also having problems with his eyesight after the laser surgery. I don’t know what happened to him now. Probably he is blind.
*Actually I was trying to be wet blanket to scare the shit out of her. But both friends are having problems with their eyes after laser. Don’t know if it is just a minority coincidence.
Lai Ma kept on refuting the claims and said, laser surgery is the best and stressed that she is endorsing the laser treatment now. (I think the eye laser company is not THAT desperate to hire her to be their ambassador! They are making a grave mistake if they do that!)
Me: You didn’t go Ching Ming? (Trying to change topic)
Lai Ma: Not this week, maybe next week. You are not going?
Me: I am going to Cambodia next week.
Lai Ma: With who?
Me: With this nice lady here and my other 4 friends.
At this point, we already finished gobbling our breakfast as fast as we could and wanted to leave immediately. She held us on for another minute.
Lai Ma: Keep in touch. (Looking at Popiah) I like to travel too. We should go together one day. You know, I have been to 10 countries! You should go to Japan, really beautiful. You know.. this….
Popiah: We gotta go. Bye!
Me: BYE!! Eat slowly. (Please choke and die!!!)
We scurried off and never looked back.
Popiah: This is the first time I have met such obnoxious person. HA HA HA! This is hilarious!!!
The Monk later sms me back: Never mind. I am now in Genting. HA HA HA HA!!
I think I should have said something straight to her face to spare her from future embarrassment. And she still wonders why she doesn’t have friends. Like Ed said, she should see a psychiatrist. Sudah sah chronic! I bet if she ever talks to a dead person, the dead fella would get so irritated and start to toss and turn in his grave that he would rise, take his coffin and bury himself elsewhere.
Comments
peace
e
p/s i miss tat vege sui kao. me go eat next monet when u a bit more settled
ed | 03.28.06 – 1:35 am | #
haha..imagine if you’d really said all of that (the italics) to her face..
yuin | Homepage | 03.28.06 – 9:28 am | #
Hehehe last line was so funny – why do we keep up with such irritating specimens huh
visithra | Homepage | 03.28.06 – 11:50 am | #
like i said, u must have owed her big time in ur previous life to have kept bumping into her. i extend my heartfelt sympathy to u and may u have the heart to tell her to get a life the next time u see her. Ha ha .
u should really detox her out of your system (life). geez..she’s a walking health hazzard!
cynthia | 03.28.06 – 12:44 pm | #
3 words for you, gina: OH MY GOD!!
eternity | Homepage | 03.28.06 – 1:08 pm | #
dats shitty…what a char boh….
foodcrazee | Homepage | 03.28.06 – 3:38 pm | #
Perhaps a comic strip to document all these and make some bucks out of it? and keep HER share ….
Ee Reen | 03.28.06 – 3:39 pm | #
HA HA HA!!!
voltboy | 03.29.06 – 3:59 am | #
i wanna get to know her…sexy or not? whoever lar..laima, popiah, noodles, gina…
(how come, many characters wan??)
strawberry harvester | 03.29.06 – 7:11 am | #
how u tahan!? really obnoxious sial
kimberlycun | Homepage | 03.29.06 – 3:12 pm | #
Ed: This Saturday I am cool. If you want to drop by, feel free.. but come early to avoid disappointment of no sui kaos!
Yuin: I think.. even if I don’t say it, she saw the replies in my face. But she is just too dumb to decipher.
Visithra: Sometimes, there are ppl like them to make us feel grateful that at least we are likeable and have friends.. and have a life.
cynthia: I think my BP reading hiked the moment I saw her “goleking” towards me.
eternity: OMIGOD Myself.. I really dunno how I tolerated her.
foodcrazee: Yeah.. shitty alright.. whatever that comes out from her mouth are all shit.
ER: That’s a pretty good idea. To make money out of people’s expense? Ha ha.
Voltboy: I was a bit tensed during the entire conversation. Not really haha… but very haha after that.
Strawberry: Lai ma is the obnoxious character from my secondary school. We called her Lai Ma coz she got damn huge lin. Popiah is my college friend/room mate (not the lesbian). Noodle Girl is the waitress who fetched the noodles to us.
Kim: I am still wondering till today…
Gina | Homepage | 03.29.06 – 11:17 pm | #
You’re so lucky that you didn’t get indigestion after the conversation. Hehehehe…. Omigawd! If in any case you need someone to tell her off right in her face, I’ll volunteer for you my dear. Just catching her expression after telling her off would be priceless…. hahhaha!
Poison | Homepage | 03.31.06 – 1:22 pm | #
Poison: I think I should bring ENO everywhere I go, in case I bumped into her again!! Thanks for your offer though!
Gina | Homepage | 03.31.06 – 10:58 pm | #
What a nice post-event blog. I enjoyed it. Glad that I was not there. She could ask such as those nightmare questions.
BBS Guy | 04.22.06 – 3:14 am | #