TAKE A BOW

It has been a great 2 years and 9 months of blogging. I have met very good friends over the blogs of whom I will forever cherish.

I guess many of you would miss the off-the-cuff writing style as mentioned by a reader (I just speak my mind), pictures that I took (especially the food pics! I know!), my dysfunctional family and of course, my very weird friends and bizarre dates.

All good things have to come to an end one day. I am afraid today would be the day.

So, with this 467th post, I bid all of you adieu. I hope life is good to you as it has been good to me.

I have always love Madonna's songs. Especially this one, Take A Bow.

Take a bow, the night is over

This masquerade is getting older

Lights are low, the curtains down

There's no one here

[There's no one here, there's no one in the crowd]

Say your lines but do you feel them

Do you mean what you say when there's no one around [no one around]

Watching you, watching me, one lonely star

[One lonely star you don't know who you are]

Chorus:

I've always been in love with you [always with you]

I guess you've always known it's true [you know it's true]

You took my love for granted, why oh why

The show is over, say good-bye

Say good-bye [bye bye], say good-bye

Make them laugh, it comes so easy

When you get to the part

Where you're breaking my heart [breaking my heart]

Hide behind your smile, all the world loves a clown

[Just make 'em smile the whole world loves a clown]

Wish you well, I cannot stay

You deserve an award for the role that you played [role that you played]

No more masquerade, you're one lonely star

[One lonely star and you don't know who you are]

(chorus, repeat)

Say good-bye [bye bye], say good-bye

All the world is a stage [world is a stage]

And everyone has their part [has their part]

But how was I to know which way the story'd go

How was I to know you'd break

[You'd break, you'd break, you'd break]

You'd break my heart

I've always been in love with you

[I've always been in love with you]

Guess you've always known

You took my love for granted, why oh why

The show is over, say good-bye

Say good-bye [bye bye], say good-bye

Say good-bye

DISEASES AND SYMPTOMS

* This is intended to be a joke. You know joke – as in fun? Poking fun at people is fun, even if it could be mean at times.

I was very annoyed yesterday morning when I couldn’t comprehend a word Sekinchan Boy was saying on MSN. Out of frustration and feeling utterly annoyed, I came up with this:-

Disease: Penyakit LBS (aka Sekinchan Boy)

Symptoms: Unclear speech, muffling when making speech, trying hard to get across to people what you are trying to say, terover-over buy insurance, drive more than 200 km per day to and fro work, then complain about it – yet never do anything about it, never listen to other people’s advice, like durians too much, think he himself is God.

The cure: Chances of cure is next to none.

After that, there’s no stopping me anymore. I think this is a nasty way to point out a friend’s bad habits but it’s fun! (even it is very mean and some people might not be able to take it, but this is me lah. To be fair, I mock myself first). This list consists of people who attended WY’s birthday bash .. except Caroline. I don’t know what to write about this woman coz she is too nice.

Disease: Penyakit Gina

Symptoms: Overly conceited. Overuse of sarcasm. Sometimes PMS always get in the way. Get easily frustrated. Unforgiving. “I am ALWAYS RIGHT AND SCREW YOU” attitude. Can be quite anal when provoked (Heck, not provoked also lah). Cannot control gluttony. Extremist – you are lucky if she likes you and if she hates you – that’s the end of you. Talks too much.

To cure: Probably will recover by removal of the stick stuck to the ass.

Disease: Penyakit WY

Symptoms: Falling in love helplessly with the WRONG MEN (read: attached), tendency to bake cakes for people to show affection, enjoys taking public transport too much, will indulge in any activity that involve men participation, oblivious about things surrounding her – ignorance sometimes is indeed bliss.

To cure: Get laid soon.

Disease: Penyakit Ms Lactose

Symptoms: Sudden movement of body in presence of music, irregardless of place. Develop killer eyes – she can be a stone cold bitch if you don’t know her at first. Throw tantrums on selected people at times. Tend to be very nice to people who treat her like a door mat. Very bad luck with car and men.

To cure: Actually this disease is not that bad at all. Probably need to pray more often and give more joss sticks and joss papers offerings during major Chinese festivals to counter off the bad luck with the car and MEN!

Disease: Penyakit Ed

Symptoms: Very domesticated. Very pat poh at times. Quite crafty. Can stir a storm in the kitchen. Too nice to be true at times.

To cure: Ed is a Goddess. You don’t need a cure.

Disease: Penyakit Tiffany

Symptoms: Behave like a porn star even in public places (only verbally, unfortunately). “Prostitute” is her standard answer when people asked her what’s her profession. Her job title is Suck-cock-tary. Too pretty, sometimes people wonder if she did go for a little nip and tuck. Ability to illustrate a situation by acting.

To cure: Winning an academy award for porn star category.

Disease: Penyakit CK

Symptoms: Tend to spend more than earn. Packaging is everything! Parasiting on gullible friends. Ignoring friends when you found your other half. (Actually this is quite common. You don't have to have diseases for this symptom). Keep on complaining about your other half and yet, never do anything about it. (Something similar to Penyakit LBS – complain complain, no action, but less chronic – at least he is getting laid).

To cure: There is no cure for people who are in love with genitals. When he is out of love, probably a tight slap would do him good.

Well, just to let my friends know, I love them very much, despite having terrible diseases... but please don't infect me.

THE LITTLE ONE

Sasha in all her glory

Sasha turned four years old on Oct 24. She came to my house when she was merely two months old, and she was such a darling. No late nights feeding and she woke up with a cute smile on her face in the morning. We thought this one was such a gem but boy! We are so wrong! She turned into a monster the moment she took her first crawl.

This is Sasha who refuses to go to school till today.

This is Sasha who still wants her pacifier.

This is Sasha who asked me if I were blind when I asked her where my stuffs are.

This is Sasha who would sulk when you don't give her what she wanted.

This is Sasha who pisses the shit out of you when she couldn’t stop crying.

This is Sasha who always has things her way.

This is Sasha who willingly gives you a back rub or massage when you are watching tv.

This is Sasha who is more than happy to help out with the house chores. (She likes using the broom very much)

This is Sasha whom we love to bits.

One day, when it’s time for her to leave us, it would feel like we are losing our arms or legs. She is a part of us, even if she is only staying here temporarily. We hope she would grow up to be a fine lady one day. *Keeping fingers crossed*

NOT AN ANSWER

The deafening quietness Soaking violently On this heartless soul Like dampness On dried crunch leaves Hatred, much less love Wrath, much less compassion Small little world Turning chaotic Where is… Heart of forgiveness Hands for blessings Warm smiles Hope fades Unhappiness looms Heart turning into Cold stones Depressed souls Gentle wretched Are lost beings Beyond reach Where is the light The darkest of night The flicker of hope Reaching for the rope The rope around my neck The first day break Flashes of memories One last breath Darkness, utterly darkness Smog thickens Red inferno Swallow me whole

A poem inspired by a friend’s story. Her good friend committed suicide recently by hanging herself in the bedroom. There is always a solution for every problem. Seek help. Do not linger. There is more to this life as life is larger than life itself. Live it to the fullest. For the living, keep an eye on those beside you. You will never know when they are going to leave you. Forgiveness is a hard word to swallow. But when there is some in your heart, it would make this life way easier. I am trying my best.

AFTERMATH

After being at home alone for 5 days, I somewhat love the feeling of being left alone. No noise. Nobody telling you what to do. No unwanted phone calls. Nobody to fuss over you. No unwanted guests that pissed the shit out of you. I did not have problems sleeping alone from the 3rd night onwards - which is a miracle. I think it's time to scout for my own loft. After 5 days:- 1. The fish is not dead yet. (Hooray!) 2. I kept the house spick and span. 3. The house is still there - not burnt down because of my dad's carelessness with the stove. 4. I remembered to place joss sticks for the gods in my house - unfailingly. 5. The underwear issue still irk the shit out of me as they (the culprit: Mom, Sis and Fucking Moronic Boyfriend) were not even apologetic. 6. I didn't succeed in committing suicide (not taking hypertensive pills for 5 days so that I get stroke and eventually die - in relation to item (5). 7. My room is so darn clean now. 8. I believe in feng shui. 9. Some friends are just not there when you needed them the most. 10. I can live without Astro.

BLESSINGS IN DISGUISE

Home Alone Day #4

This morning, I woke up pretty pissed off that the stupid internet is STILL not working. Even as I am typing this now, the stupid internet is not working. @#$%^&* I probably have to post it when I go to office on Thursday. Astro has gone to Taiping, the DVD player in my room is not working, the tv is full of crappy program, and now, the internet is gone?! Gawd.. then how do I get over this torture? Well, instead of wallowing in self pity, let me count my blessings for today:- 1. I dropped my RM10 when I went to ta pao breakfast this morning. I think it somehow dropped when I opened my house gate to get in. When I realized it was gone, I went outside my gate to look for it but it was not there. Being hungry, I ate breakfast first. Then I decided to go out to look for it – to trace from the trail I took home. I was darn lucky. I found it right behind my house. A cyclist with his eagle eye spotted the note on the road. As he was about to stop and wanted to grab it, I said to him – “Hello! That’s my money!” He apologized. That was close. I went to pick up the money. 2. I went to One Utama and invited JK for a movie: The Silk to kill boredom. JK in turn invited Frankie. One U was packed to the brim. Jesus! I thought KL would be practically empty with hordes of people going back to hometowns for the big celebrations. Boy.. was I wrong! Somehow, I managed to get a parking spot within 15 mins. I consider this - a miracle. 3. The Silk is not that scary after all. I thought I am gonna have sleepless nights, which bound to happen whenever I watched a horror movie. It was crap. Apart from some hilarious scenes where the beef noodles seller made a remark in Hokkien when a guy got strangled to death after eating beef noodles by a ghost that emerged from the bloody big bowl itself and the female ghost doing pole dancing thingy on the train in the subway, it was pretty forgettable. But I think the Chinese hero is pretty damn hot though! 4. Oh gawd!! I got my internet back at 12.16 am just now!!! YOO HOO!!!!! I ain’t gonna disconnect till the next morning! I think I better remember to pay my bills! 5. Funny! JK sms me and told me there was a power failure in his housing area as he showered. Serve him right for scaring me to death by saying tonight there will be a power failure in my house and I will have to sleep alone in the dark!! Hahaha! Guess who has the final laugh now? 6. I almost went into the men’s toilet (2x) when I was in One U and luckily managed to realize it before the men start screaming, while holding their “thing” standing at the urinary. 7. I heard that my late grandma's home in Taiping is flooded!!! It was a good thing that I wasn't there! Have to clean up. Susah man!! The mechanic and my stupid sis are gonna clean the house up! Yay! How evil of me! Sorry, but I can't help feeling evil about this. Well, I clean your bloody underwear, and now you have to clean up the flood. For the first time in my life, I witness a retribution this fast! Heh! I hope my family is alright though. 8. It was very nice of JK and Frankie to keep me company (listening to my rubbish) for the rest of today, or else I would have been stuck at home, watching some inane stuff on tv. Thanks for your time.

GIRLY STUFF

Home Alone Day #3 Tried to sleep last night but not without difficult. My imagination ran wild, thinking of the horror stories we discussed over coffee after our bowling session. I kept on picturing a long hair lady ghost was plastered on the ceiling above my bed. Man! This overactive brain of mine would exhaust itself in a few years if I don’t stop thinking about useless things. Today I decided to do some girly stuff. I went to meet up WY and May for coffee at noon in Mid Valley. I went early to avoid not getting any parking spot. Even with the holidays, there were still people in KL – loads of them and they were all in Mid Valley! Not a good choice for meeting point on holidays and weekends. Congratulations to May, a colleague of WY’s on the coming wedding. She did make a lot of effort in getting ready for the wedding and the preparation was so tedious. She planned everything, from guest list to what food to eat, her own make up, her wedding gowns… even to the minute detail such as printing 3 colored invitation cards with personal touch. I particularly like them because the cards look more like Christmas than a wedding, unlike cliché Chinese wedding cards – all in red. As I am typing this, there is a loud sound of meriam buluh outside my house. It felt like we were in a middle of an Iraqi war (I just finished watching The Three Kings, starred George Clooney, Mark Warlberg and Ice Cube). Just hope that we don’t get to read untoward news the next morning of missing fingers or limbs in the newspapers. And damn.. I can’t connect to the stupid internet. Paying so much for broad band huh? I wonder when will Malaysia ever live up to the so called Cyber age with the lousy connection… and what multimedia super corridor bullshit? We never heard any news ever since Bill Gates “donated” RM1 million. It’s so bloody primitive. Okay, let’s not get political here. I don’t want this to be an upsetting post.

Airellis, Manjalara, Kepong

After coffee, Ms Lactose and I made an appointment to go to Airellis Esthetics and Studio in Manjalara, run by a friend of mine. Airellis is actually a sub brand from the well renowned Dermalogica for sensitive skin. It’s quite easy on the pocket as well, a much cheaper version. (with sluggish economy, we would do anything to save some money – even when it comes to beauty). I went for the body massage and steam bath (RM98) whereas Ms Lactose was there to try the RM48 offer for facial (for first trial only). One thing I really like about Aerellis products is that, it is not drying. My years of Cellnique usage had somewhat cause dryness to my skin (probably sign of getting old?). Cellnique is really good but somehow, over the years, probably regular usage of it had somewhat diminish the glowing effect that I used to enjoy when I first started using Cellnique. Airellis uses aromatheraphy and leaning more towards natural herbal ingredients. I will give it a try to see whether it works. For more information on Airellis, kindly contact:- Airellis Esthetics & Wellness Studio 30, Jalan Medan Putra 3 Medan Putra Business Centre Bandar Manjalara 52200 Kepong Kuala Lumpur (T) 03-6277 1804

COCKROACH, SPIDER, FIGHTING FISH AND THE BOYS

Home alone day #2 I was online till I sent my dad at the door at 2.30 am; to ensure he locks everything properly. It’s not wise to take the risks of staying home alone with an unlocked door. It happens a few times (the not locking door properly). Can’t blame him. He’s 62 years old and can be very clumsy and gullible. I was happy to see WY online but she left abruptly after she said she will be right back. DOTA is more important than friends now. Hit the sack at 4 am after reading a few chapters on the Time Traveler’s Wife. I tried reading “The Evil Hour” by Gabriel Marquez but it was a bit too dry to continue. My bed was littered with books half read – The Evil Hour, Fit For Life, The Tibetan Book on Living and Dying and Changing Destiny. Was contemplating not to take vegetarian today. There is no point to observe vegetarian for nine days (in conjunction with the Ninth Emperor’s Festival) with an unclear mind. Being upset with sister, at the same time bearing a lot of grudges towards the dumbass mechanic – well, I doubt I would accumulate any merits being vegetarian with a tainted soul. How ah? Sigh. Spring clean the house again to seek solace and peace. There was a cockroach in the bathroom which I thought was dead. The moment I poured water on it to attempt to wash it away to the drain, it suddenly came to life! We warn dad not to lift up the lid to the drain in the bathroom every time he uses it, but he is too obstinate to listen. Hence our house was infested with cockroaches from the longkang occasionally. As I was mopping the floor, I saw a spider sitting quietly on the Fresh and White toothpaste. After finished mopping, it was still there. Still and unmoving. I wonder what is it like to be a spider – do not need to suffer the consequences of being human. No depression, no disappointment, don’t have to work for a living, no heartache. If the spider is lucky enough, it would live through one life cycle of a few weeks (?). If not, it would be squashed or eaten. At least, it knew with certainty, death is quick. The family has totally forgotten about the fighting fish. The fish belongs to my young cousin sis, who actually fish-sitting for a friend. She didn’t even remind me to feed the fish. I guess it was hungry when I fed it this morning. The fish attacked the pellets with gusto. Geez! That is why I don’t have pets. I could never remember feeding them. And now, with all the food pellets, the water turned murky. I would need to change the water. No need anti-chlorine one meh?! Another shit to do today. It better stay alive till the family comes back! I am sick and tired of being labeled – useless or hopeless by them. The Monk came at about 2 pm for late lunch. Both of us were near starving. We decided on vegetarian since today is the first day in the lunar month. We caught up with old times, talking crap and gossiping about people that we both know. Heh! Defeats the purpose of going vegetarian with all the gossip eh? I killed a mosquito (aedes!) and some ants this morning too.. oh, what the hell. There was not much progress concerning the Demented Duo: Koon and Kit. Koon’s habit of frequent visits to the Genting Casino is getting out of hand. He is starting to borrow money from the Supper Gang and other friends as well. It was disheartening to see people would be duped into believing that their luck will never run out. I was saddened by the thought that; instead of spending his time to make money for his old age while he is still young and able, he chose to idle the life away by gambling. Kit had morphed into a more sociable person. He is usually quiet and has not much opinion of his own. Ever since he tried his luck to find a date via sms, he did muster up the courage to talk to people first. He has been texting non stop to his potential dates and even flirted with some of them, especially during supper time much to the Monk’s disgust. He did go out for blind dates and not surprisingly, a lot of lonely hearts are horizontally-challenged people. Sad, but true. When the Monk mentioned this, he did apologize first in order not to offend me. He said, every time Kit went to meet a girl, they would discuss the girl’s outward appearance, setting me as a benchmark. Bigger or smaller than Gina? Ah? That big ah??? Bigger than Gina ah?? Aiyoh.. habis… Yeah yeah! Very funny! Wait till I see them again in supper, they deserve a smack on their heads. Anyway, as I always try to look at the glass as half full than half empty, it was actually quite flattering that they still “include” me in their supper’s conversation, even if I hadn’t seen them for a year now. At night, it was eventful. I joined Alex J and JK for bowling and I brought along Cili Padi with me. Haven’t been bowling for almost 5 or 6 freaking years – of course I sucked at it. More like longkang bowling. I had to solely depend on JK to tally the scores. Losers had to buy Coffee Bean. It was a standard practice. We ended the night at Coffee Bean and talked till our voice box coarse. It was a fantastic night out. Cili Padi and I need some serious practice!

HOME ALONE DAY #1

I survived home alone day 1. Not exactly home alone, dad is around too, but he sleeps most of the time. This morning, after the upsetting episode of being forced to wash someone else’s underwear, I tried to find some peace in domestic chores. It saddens me that some people that you really care about just do not have the common sense or sensitivity towards you. I was really disappointed. I find cleaning up my room therapeutic. I started dusting after breakfast. It was a good move, as I cleaned up my room section by section, things that were lost a few months ago made their way out without being invited. I was shocked by the thickness of the dust. I was even more surprised to find I was no longer allergic to dust. I did sneeze a little, but not as bad as I previously would suffer after every dusting session – an entire day resting in bed with runny nose, polaramine and heaps of tissue paper. I arranged all my VCDs and CDs in alphabetical order, discarding many, many slips from atm machines, credit cards, shopping receipts, re-arrange my books, putting the souvenirs bought from my travels into boxes – they were lying all over the room, throwing out unwanted magazine, etc. Geez. It was a pig sty. I wonder how I live with the dust for so long. My day was cheered up a little when our friendly Indian neighbour gave us the annually Deepavali goodies. This year, the goodies consisted of mutton curry, chicken curry, putu mayam, coconut candies and cookies. The portions were good enough to last till tea time for me and dad. After an exhausting spring cleaning, I took bath and napped. Plans to go out supper tonight with the Monk was cancelled because he has other arrangements. He promised to see me for lunch tomorrow and apologized profusely. Well, it turned out to be good in the end. Ms Lactose stopped by my house by surprise and I joined her for dinner with her children in Lau Heong Sentul. And.. I thought I couldn’t survive without Astro. The inconsiderate family members took the Astro card with them to Taiping and left me to rot at home without a cable tv. My very inconsiderate sister took my Ixus 50 and touch and go card. Thank goodness for 8tv. At least the programs are still watchable… and thank goodness for this blog.

DATING GINA

Well, after the hilarious post on my blind date a week ago, some fellas actually written to me and asked me out for blind dates, so that I could write more about dates and make fellow readers laugh - provided I don’t name names. Itu macam pun boleh kah? Today, being a very mundane Wednesday, I drafted an application form for one potential candidate who expressed his willingness to be made fun of in this blog before dating me. (An idle mind is the devil's workshop). Click here or here for the application form and mail me. First come, first serve only. Limited to 10 dates only (At first, I thought of 50.. but, I am not at all greedy). My apologies. *Blush* My inane sense of humour got the better of me today. Probably due to the fact that there will be a long holiday this coming week! Can’t wait for the long holidays! Happy holidays, Malaysians! But I did mention about not dating people from the internet anymore. How ah? Heck. Most of my friends are from the internet, anyway... and I am such a slut!