HOW DOES A HUNCHBACK SLEEP?

This is how I sleep..

While idling in office yesterday, I forwarded an e-mail on how one sleeps determine one's personality in life.

Then, a senior tender manager replied to the forwarded mail:

-----Original Message-----
From: Senior Tender Manager
Sent: Friday, September 29, 2006 5:57 PM
To: Gina
Cc: Other idling colleagues
Subject: RE: How Do U Sleep?

Can u guys guess and tell me how does a hunchback sleep ?

-----Original Message-----
From: Gina
Sent: Friday, September 29, 2006 6:11 PM
To: Senior Tender Manager
Cc: Other colleagues who were pretending to be too busy to keep their jobs
Subject: RE: How Do U Sleep?

Like a turtle? You know, what they say about cars turning turtle.

-----Original Message-----
From: Senior Tender Manager
Sent: Friday, September 29, 2006 6:16 PM
To: Gina
Cc: Other colleagues who already went home sharp at 5.30 pm
Subject: RE: How Do U Sleep?

SALAH !!
A hunchback sleep like everybody else
by closing his or her eyes

I laughed hysterically.

SIMILAR BUT NOT THE SAME

As I was telling a friend of my choice of words, I was not very happy for what I had found out.

Every word that comes out from my mouth is very sarcastic, even if I meant well.

For example, during lunch, I saw the pot was boiling hot in the kitchen.

Instead of saying, “Hey! Do you want to turn off the stove before it is burnt?” I said, “Do you want to wait till the dish is burnt, then only turn off the stove?”

It has the similar meaning – to turn off the stove, yet, it is not the same.

Another instance was, a very inconsiderate “friend” of my sister’s called my house at 1 am.

My mind was racing – did somebody died? Is there an emergency? Good lord! I hope nothing happen to the kids…

Boy. How pissed was I when I found out it’s him.

Instead of telling him, it’s inappropriate to call at this ungodly hour (it goes without saying for people with common sense), I asked him, “Do you know what time is it?”

And then, yelled at my sister by saying, “Can you ask your friend not to be so fucked up?”

In the morning after, I gave another nagging session to my sister. Instead of advising her, “Please ask your friends not to call at such ungodly hour. It disturbs everyone’s sleep.”

I said, “Did somebody die last night? Or was someone really sick and got admitted to hospital?”

My sister looked at me with a blank look on her face. “Who died? Who is sick?”

With a tulan face, I said, “Only when there is death or sickness, you are allowed to call house phone at 1 am.”

When advising a friend to tell him that the girl is not right for him, I put a foot in my mouth again.

Instead of saying, “In my opinion, I felt that she is not appropriate for you as both of you needed someone to take care of yourselves.”

I said, “Come to think of it, both of you are a match made in heaven, since both of you are so damn childish.”

Like I said earlier, sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.

I think I seriously need to work on my communication skills.

PARENTING 101: BRIBERY

Sasha has not wanted to go to school lately. Her mom took her back to hometown for a week for holidays and when she came back, she was whining and sulking, refusing to go to school.

My mom is running out of white lies to tell her to coax her to school.

“Your teacher asks you to go to school. She has new books for you!”

“Go to school lah. Today got birthday party! Your friend will give you present!”

It is agonizing to see her crying and wailing in the morning before going to school.

I took matters in my hands. I went to purchase some colorful lanterns and played with her at night. I made her promise to go to school the next day.

It did work this morning. She didn’t cry much, only a bit sulky. When the van came to take her to school, she held on tight to my mother and refused to let go.

I guess bribery doesn’t work.

Any clues? Parents?

TRICOR: YUM SENG!

Chubby: You free this Friday?

Me: I guess so. Wadsup?

Chubby: Book your time for me please.

Hhmmphhh…

It was my ex company’s annual dinner at Dynasty Hotel on 22 September 2006; for the first time in 7 years. (I thought Chubby is gonna intro some cute hunks to me. Cheh!).

I joined TCC (now Tricor) on 12 December 2000 and left the company on 31 July 2003. I guess this is the longest time that I’ve ever been in any company. A rolling stone gathers no moss? Why would a stone want moss on it, anyway?

The theme was red and black. I am lucky enough to have a red and black striped blouse or else, I would have to buy new clothes to blend into the crowd. Seriously, I hate to dress up with all the make up and shit like that. I don’t really enjoy going for dinners, especially weddings. *hint*

However, this dinner was different. The invitation came from people whom I first met when I stepped foot into the corporate world. The people who had been kind enough to show me the way around secretarial practice. The people that had taught me from scratch and we remained as friends till this very day. It was indeed very hard to find working colleagues this close-knitted. We worked like a family unit, despite having some differences among us. I hope they would continue to work together like the good old days, with the new international merger.

It was a last minute notice. Last minute invitation, last minute hotel booking, last minute printing of souvenirs, last minute selection of menu, last minute preparation for performances among departments, last minute…. but, the quality of the entire dinner was more than superb. It was fantastic!

It was silly of me to forget my camera as I was rushing to go out after work to the party. How much I've missed!! From the prep for performances, selection of food, mingling of the old and new staff alike, to the beautiful stretch of road going towards KLCC in glittering street and car lights. Lovely, lovely night.

The inter-department performances were fantastic. There were dances to music in suits made of cardboard boxes, (I jokingly told them, if I were to perform with them, I probably need the largest fridge packaging), Snow White and the Seven Dwarves with a twist - whereby the evil step mother loved banana, and instead of a prince kissing Snow White, he gave her a can of tongkat ali, the Payroll and Accounting department, which won the competition hands down; came up with an Indian dance (Kuch Kuch Hota Hai) complete with conversations in hokkien (by Indian and Malay colleagues!!), and the despatch boy dressed up as a very pretty Indian girl. And we all think accountants are square pegs? Heh! And oh boy! A fellow colleague could really shake his booty, putting Sharukh Khan to shame!

Another performance from the share registrar reminded me of my childhood’s stint as one of the hantu jembalang in the musical P. Ramlee’s Aci Aci Buka Pintu. Like this picture (God! This pic is taken 20 years ago!!). The movement and all the prep were exactly like the ones I did back in primary school.

Guess which one was me?

The performances sent us to fits of laughter; even the waiters and waitresses were not spared. You wouldn't believe that they took only a week to practise all these! Tricor, they are THAT efficient!

It was good to catch up with old friends. It was good to see the togetherness that the MD had strived hard to foster since the birth of this company. It was good to toast the night away with a few bottles of red wine with fellow alcoholics, along with the alcoholic song – which I don’t really remember, but it was really funny. Yeah. I did something unforgettable when we went for our company trip to Cherating, back in 2001 – and ever since, I had been nicknamed; the Fountain.

Above all, it was good to feel at “home”, even if I had left this company 3 years ago.

Here’s a toast, hoping that Tricor will continue to prosper in many, many years to come.

UNIFORM DAY

I just got my office uniform and they are totally hideous. I had to wear it to assembly in the office today.

Little Sasha: You look like poh poh!

Aunt: You look like you just gave birth and now, “chor yuet”.

“chor yuet” means, the month after you give birth and you are resting at home, still with a swollen stomach and plenty of fried ginger to eat.

Friend at work: You walk weird in that skirt. Like a duck!

A colleague in the lift: You look like one of our (*fat) Malay colleagues.

* I added this to his sentence. He agreed. @#$%^&*

Sis: You look like the IT girl. (who is also.. not very pleasant looking, but she is a very nice person.)

TNS^. Thank goodness I only have to wear this hideous looking uniform till middle of next year. Hopefully, the management would come up with new color and design that are not so retarded looking.

^ Cantonese swear words.

LUNCH BICKER

It is very usual to watch mom and dad bickering over lunch. They have been doing this for as long as I could remember. The usual stuffs that they would argued over varied from how many times one should take bath in a day, dad should stop buying sweets to spoil the two kids at home, his very bad hygiene, his sleeping schedule, her wastefulness when it comes to water as she is quite obsessed with cleanliness, her generosity when it comes to cooking up a storm for the family etc.

Today’s lunch bickering was one of the funniest. (Most of them are quite funny).

Dad: I think I will get us a toothpick holder.

Mom: Why you want a tooth pick holder in the house?? You think this is a restaurant?

Dad: You don't tell me you can only use toothpicks in restaurants??

Mom: Why do you want to use toothpick? You might as well just take off your dentures and brush them. We have no real teeth left anyway.

*I laughed my ass off*

A good relationship withstands the test of time. My parents’ withstands many and more lunch arguments to come.

MOONCAKE STORY

Mooncake sure brings back memories.

Some 10 years ago, after my A levels exams, I went to a classmate’s house in Seremban for a short break. We went to a temple nearby Seremban, where they claimed, the “kau chim” (seeking will of God via “fortune stick”), it would be very “leng” (accurate).

The fortune teller said, within that year's Mid Autumn's festival, I would be meeting someone who would be my potential mate. He said, if I missed the chance this time, my “yuen fan” (fate) would be much later in life.

I asked him, “How late?”

He said, “Very late.”

Then, I, being a pain in ass – “How late is very late?”

He said, “Maybe in your 40s.”

*Gulp*

As I ate the Teow Chew Mooncake in office today, I reminisced the old times. I met him of course. He brought a pail with candles as his lantern which made the girls chuckled.

I even made him some leong char when he was feeling unwell, hence, my teasing housemates gave him a nickname, “Leong Char Chai”. When he left for United Kingdom, I gave him a shaving kit and a scarf to keep him warm. In return, he gave me his internet account password so that we could keep in touch.

Years gone by. He returned to Kuala Lumpur. He even took me for a ride in his new sparkling silver Proton Iswara, first car when he started working.

As I knew that he was not and would not at least be interested in me, I introduced him to one of my single girlfriends.

Their relationship took off immediately and it ended as soon as it started. She even told me juicy bits of their relationship that made me blushed. She accused him of trying to take advantage on her. I felt it takes two to tango. Somehow or another, it made the both of us (he and I) stopped talking to each other because of embarrassment.

I didn’t see him since. I wonder how he is and where is he now?

SABAH - THE GOOD & THE BAD

To sum up the trip to Kota Kinabalu, Sabah – I have only two words: bored shitless.

I guess I must have been on one of those kiasu trip – free air ticket mah! Stay as long as you want lah! Oh boy!

It was a good thing that my travel mates this time round consisted of only men – Ed and Sekinchan Boy. One good thing about traveling with male companions is – they have really, really LOW expectation. Give Ed a lazy chair overlooking the beautiful sea in different shades of turquoise, some sun lotion and a cap – he would be as happy as a lark to sleep the day away (as in pic shown here).

Since half of the time in KK were spent in the comfort of our hostel room (no, there were no orgies, we were all sleeping like logs), there isn’t much to write about. I could only categorize the trip into two groups – the good and the bad. Surprisingly, as I compiled the pictures, I find the place is rather beautiful.

The Good

Foothill of Mount Kinabalu

1. Kundasang & Mount Kinabalu

We made a short one day trip to Kundasang. It was unfortunate that we could not take proper photographs of the place, due to the incessant rain. We were soaked in the drizzle and the chilly wind; subjected ourselves to risks of hypothermia.

If you go to KK, you have to scale the mountain. Given that all of us are out of shape and stamina, we didn’t. But, we managed to get to the foothill of Mount Kinabalu (which is good enough) and it was a spectacular sight to behold. It somehow made us wanna pack our bags and go up. We made a vow to come back here next year to scale the mountain!

Kundasang vegetable market and the dairy farm

The foothill of Mount Kinabalu and the Desa Dairy farm in Kundasang are my favorites. Ed said he almost vomited when he smelt the cow-dung-smelling air. Ed is not very fond of animals – and it’s no wonder that he doesn’t eat them. (He is a vegetarian).

We had Tenom coffee at this small café in Mount Kinabalu while waiting for the rain to stop. It was quite kick-ass and it went on very well with the club sandwich. There goes my diet of refraining from coffee!

2. Food!!!

Food in KK was rather bland. Sad to say, we think that Sabahans dunno shit when it comes to real, solid good food. Or, in better terms, they are pretty simple and easy to please when it comes to food. However, we managed to have some pretty decent meals over our stay of 5 days there – since we were trying very hard to drown our boredom with food.

Some of the good food we had were – Yu Kee Bak Kut Teh and Restaurant Beaufort at Gaya Street, bread in butter and kaya and teh si at Damai Point, some Penang styled restaurant in Bukit Padang, around Kolombong and Wisma Merdeka food court serves decent vegetarian food – try the Tuaran Noodles.

Getting food is not a problem at Gaya Street – where kopitiams mushroomed in between shop lots. You only need to be damn lucky to go into one which served decent food.

We used the old trick of looking at shops with the most people - which indicate good food and found Kopitiam Kinabalu packed with people. We were disappointed. The “Penang Char Kueh Teow” is crap!!

The many, many kopitiams mainly serve fishball, fish paste, anything to do with fish together with their noodles.

Sutera Harbor

3. Sutera Harbor

This is Ed’s favorite place as he enjoyed the quietness and the lazy chairs provided overlooking the sea for his ritual beauty nap.

The water is crystal clear and you could see fishes swimming inside it!

Hi-tea is only available on weekends at RM38++ and on regular days, it’s RM52++ for buffet lunch.

Friendly cat at Summer Lodge

4. Place to stay

We stayed at Summer Lodge – which is quite decent (contrary to what Takeshi said about hostels in Malaysia - Gaya Street is like Chow Kit Road in KL - not!!). They charged RM18 onwards for a bed. Since we opted for a room for more privacy, we paid only RM25 each. What pissed me off is that it comes with a hidden cost of RM3 for a blanket, which I think, quite okay lah.

Summer Lodge is situated on Gaya Street, right above Pizza Hut. It was kinda noisy as at night, there would be a street performance nearby on Beach Street.

5. The Road is practically empty

There is no toll, no traffic jams and there is hardly people honking at you in Sabah. They are very, very patient people. You can cross the roads with your eyes closed, really. We walked about the town for 4 1/2 hours and surprised that we actually covered 90% of it.

KK Town

6. Wisma Tun Mustapha

We wanted to go in the afternoon but ended up going there at night. Check out the revolving restaurant called, the Atmosphere. Cocktails and shots come as dirt cheap as RM9 per shot after 10 pm to 12 am.

7. The genuine “muhibah” concept

It was a rare sight to see a food court which serves pork! Pork is not served in the food court of KLCC or Mid Valley. Everything is halal.

Here, in Wisma Merdeka, we truly witness the genuine Muhibah Concept for the first time. Chinese and Muslim food is served in the same food court just next to each other. They have a corner for Muslims though, but we are free to order food from any stalls to eat at the same place. Cool! Racial integration? West Malaysians have lots to learn from the East Malaysians.

Sunday Market at Gaya Street

8. Gaya Street

It is quite a mediocre Sunday market. Just like our normal pasar pagi, only bigger and longer. They have all kinds of goods from pets to freshly grounded coffee beans, crafts to pearls, blind masseurs and street musicians. This is the only time we ever see KK filled with people. Half of the time, the town is practically dead.

9. Wisma Merdeka

This place looks exactly like Kota Raya in its heydays. We came to love this place as it is the only place to get quite decent bread and nice vegetarian Tuaran Noodles.

10. The Markets

I like markets in any towns. This is where you get to see real live people, going about their business, trying their best to give the best deals to clinch some customers. I didn’t find anything I fancy, probably I didn’t look hard enough. But I really enjoyed lurking in the fish market.

The Bad

1. The Islands

Probably I have an unrealistically high expectation on the beaches in Sabah since my Sabahan friends always brag about it, whenever I told them about Redang or Perhentian Islands.

No doubt, the sea water seems clear and nice, but on our way to Manukan and Memutik, the sea was littered with trash. I suspected that it was from the illegal inhabitants of the Gaya Islands and Sapi Islands; where they do not have a proper waste management system.

They have condoned off some part of Manukan and we didn’t get to see all corals and fishes in its entire splendor. Probably we should just hire the bloody life jacket. Some inaccurate info from the internet caused us to bring too little cash – it costs each of us a total of RM46 to go to Manukan and Memutik. RM27 for two islands, RM6 for tax (dunno what fuck tax they are talking about), RM10 for the snorkels and RM3 for conservation fees. We ended up eating fried mee, fried rice and maggi mee at RM12. It was the best meal ever!

Memutik is quite tragic. It is just a small stretch of island; and infested with flies! I suggested to SB that he should move here since his other nick name is house fly (hor xin in hokkien). They should rename this island to Pulau Lalat or something.

2. The Illegal Immigrants

It was quite sad to see the illegal immigrants and Sabahans alike (actually you cannot tell the difference between locals and immigrants anyway) climbing onto the dangerous steps at the now defunct Sabah Park Jetty to get into the boat to get across to the islands. We even saw pregnant ladies and elderly ladies painstakingly climbed in and out of the boat to the banks of the river. It’s so dangerous. Why can’t they just open the bloody jetty to give convenience to these people?

2. Expensive seafood

Contrary to what people said about the seafood in Sabah, they are so freaking expensive. We went to Ocean View Restaurant near Promenade and the moment we stepped foot into the restaurant, we knew that this place put all its customers’ neck onto the chopping block when it comes to price. It was a good thing that we didn’t have to pay for it. Someone bought us dinner! Yippee!

3. Sugar Bun

East Malaysians are very proud of this chain of restaurant as it was claimed to be their local product and original authentic franchise of fast food “equivalent” to the likes of KFC and McDonald’s.

When we went there to try the teh tarik tiga lapis – they said they ran out of milk – for two nights in a row. How could a big chain like Sugar Bun ran out of milk? They don’t have proper stock keeper?

We were so tempted to suggest that they take some milk from the nearby mamak stall.

4. Slowness

It is quite frustrating to deal with the people here as some of them are rather slow.

In Beaufort restaurant

Waitress: Minum?

Me: Ada leong char?

Waitress: Tak ada leong char.

Ed: Ada apa?

Waitress: Tak ada leong char.

Ed: Yeah lah! Ada apa lagi?

Waitress: Tak ada leong char.

Ed: Saya tau. Kalau tak ada leong char – you ada apa????!!!!

Waitress: Ada cina teh.. dan… cina teh….

Generally speaking, it was a quite relaxing trip – coz we slept and ate most of the time to kill boredom. Anyone who wishes to go to Kota Kinabalu for a holiday – do it in 3 days 2 nights – MAX! It is also advisable to climb the mountain or maybe go for scuba diving as it is way cheaper to learn diving in Sabah. And I totally regretted not going to the Tip of Borneo!

BE GOOD

Kota Kinabalu has lots to offer. (I am saying this without even going there yet, so I am hoping for the best.) Surprisingly, most of the West Malaysians felt more enthusiastic than the East Malaysians when I told them I am going to Kota Kinabalu.

“Climb mountain ah??” 10 out of 10 people quipped when I told them about my KK trip.

My standard answer – “With this body shape (round), what do you think? Of course – NOT!!”

Some friends did give some tips on where to go, how, and most importantly what to eat. Well, thanks to Mr Bee Stung Lips for offering useful advice – and yeah.. not forgetting Takeshi.

Anyway, I am lucky enough to have a few people wanting to take me around while I am there. Not that I want to rely on them, but they are old friends, and it’s good to catch up. Another friend who volunteer to take us around is a fellow colleague (current job).

Ok lor.. keep my fingers crossed. Hope it would be a good photobug trip.

I will be gone for the weekend till next Tuesday, so – have a good weekend and be good.

THINGS THAT MATTER

Weekend was packed to the brim. Initial plan of having crab for lunch with a bunch of colleagues scrapped after one colleague’s dad passed away suddenly on Friday. May he rest in peace. Life is so fragile. Always expect the unexpected.

3rd September marked a year death anniversary of a dear friend who took her own life. We still couldn’t believe what had happened till today. Most of us are still in denial that she had passed on. She appeared to be a very bubbly person with great personality. No one expected she would have any problems, what more taking her own life. I was talking to common friend on this matter, and both of us agree, we should spend more time with loved ones, and not being blinded by greed for more wealth. As all of us are busy chasing our own dreams, we also should look to our left and right for friends who have fallen along the way, to lend a helping hand.

We should cultivate a more loving heart, and to help when there is a need arises, and not to try to take advantage of any situation. Learn to be more forgiving and forgo grudges. It would definitely make us a better person than we are now.

Speaking of grudges, Sam, the stalker invited me to his house again for some minum session. Well, Sam is Dennis’ old buddy; and Dennis is my very good buddy. We might as well forgive and forget about the past. Everyone deserves a second chance.

Dennis had caught some fishes earlier in his regular weekend fishing outing. We decided to have our dinner of freshly captured tilapia in curry assam together with Sam’s favorite – the tong po yok and pai kuat noodles. Yummy!

We went to buy some wine after our dinner and were very amused that Sam walked right in the middle of the bras and panties aisle without even flinching. He waved his hands frantically and pointing his index finger at the underwear (for reasons only known to him) – to gesture us to follow him. There are other lanes leading to the supermarket and we just couldn’t understand why he had to walk through the aisle.

Trailing from behind, Dennis and I, couldn’t contain our laughter. We suddenly recalled a report on stolen bras and panties – or was it, the pervert snipped off bras and panties hanging on the clothes line at night? We were speculating that Sam might be the culprit behind all those things happening around Serdang and Seri Kembangan!! Hahahaha! That is a very mean thought, but Sam is a good friend, despite being utterly eccentric.

On Sunday, I was summoned by Takeshi to take his wedding pictures in Putrajaya. I was baffled that he bestowed me such mammoth responsibility, but nevertheless humbled. He, being an avid photographer himself –has quite an eye for photography. I felt somewhat stressed out that I would not perform up to his standard. I declined profusely at first, but somehow was cajoled to assume the responsibility. Must be his charm. *Ahem*

Indeed! I was somewhat disappointed on how the pictures turned out. Being nice, he said he liked what I took, the ultimate thing was, we had lots of fun together with his Carina Lau-look-alike wife. I will never look at photography the same way again. There is a huge room for improvement!

Taking pictures of people on important occasions is the most arduous task. It is indeed challenging to capture people’s emotions on pictures. Perhaps, it’s time to buy – Photography for Dummies to learn a few new tricks and a better camera.

I need to work on my shakey hands!