THE STATE OF MIND

The world leans on us. When we sag,
the whole world seems to droop.
- Eric Hoffer

I am very worried for a friend who is in a depression state this very moment.

I went to see her last night. The Angel that I used to remember, someone who is cheerful, sarcastic, rational and level headed, is no longer there. She had turned into someone else. Lost and aloof.

Four years ago, she suffered from depression anxiety and even attempted suicide when she was in her final year in a university, which landed her in the psychiatric ward for 6 months.

Coming from a dysfunctional family, her mom passed away when she was 14, after a hit-and-run accident, and left the household paralyzed; with a gambler dad, selfish elder siblings and inconsiderate younger siblings.

I could feel that the burden on her shoulder is far too heavy for anyone to carry. That is why I admired her perseverance and glad that she managed to pull through her darkest hours. She finally graduated and managed to get a job.

Everything was rosy for awhile, till recently she returned to work for her first employer.

Unable to cope and adjust to new responsibilities had triggered the depression again, and I am very worried for her dear life.

She kept on repeating, “ I need an answer.. I need an answer..” - referring to whether to quit her job or not.

Well, I told her, if she doesn’t want this job, she can always find another one. As simple as that. Someone as capable as her shouldn’t worry.

Yet, she said, she doesn’t feel like doing anything at all. She just wanted to stay in her bed. Life to her now is meaningless. She feels she is just waiting for time to pass by.

I seek Befrienders’ help, but they advised us to take her to see a psychiatrist. Angel said, she doesn’t trust the psychiatrists as she had consulted one before for 8 months and yet, the psychiatrist didn’t help much. Taking anti-depressant medicine is merely a temporary measure, which eventually will not lead to any solutions.

Sometimes, I would get easily frustrated to help people who are not capable to help themselves. This friend is no longer living in the same plain of existence as we are now. She is in another realm, in which we could not reach out to her.

Before she turned into this state, I did suggest to her to take life easy. Be like me. Just don’t care. Just fuck it. I know I am in no position to give my opinion on how one should run his/her life. Everyone has his/her own capacity/ threshold to tolerate stress. Some may manage stress wonderfully, others may not be that lucky. And when they cannot manage their stress, they fall off the edge.

Time is the critical factor now, and I don’t have the solution for her. I feel so helpless. The only thing I possibly can do now is to pray for her well being… even if I am a godless tramp.

BATTLE OF THE TWO GIANTS

Give Peace A Chance

There have been some circulation of e-mails containing gory pictures taken during the Japanese Occupation (1941 – 1945) to harbor more hatred among the Chinese, when tension between the two great nations is already at its height.

As much as I try hard to avoid reading/ talking about depressing stuffs like politics, this one tugged closely at my heartstring.

I remembered a story my late grandma told me about her close encounter with the Japanese. At that point of time, rice, sugar and salt were controlled items. My grandma and my first aunt (she was just two years old) boarded a bus to visit my great grandmother. The bus was stopped by the Japanese mid way for a spot check.

My grandmother was worried that they would kill her and confiscate a handful of rice in her bag, intended for her mother. She was pregnant with my mom at that point of time. Being quick witted, she placed some old clothes and piled my baby aunt’s poo (shit) on top of the nicely wrapped, handful of rice. She told a white lie that beneath the clothes in the bag, contained nothing but some old clothes and my baby aunt’s poo. She advised the soldier nicely not to mess with it if he didn’t want to get poo plastered all over his hands.

The soldier fiddled with the bag for awhile with his bayonet, saw the poo, and then let her go. It was a close call. She was so much more fortunate compared to others who didn’t survive the war.

I believed, if the Japanese were really THAT mean, they would probably ripped the bag off, then my late grandma would not be able to live up to a ripe old age of 84, my first aunt and my mother would not live till today.. and I won’t be here, telling the world about it. Probably, she was just damn lucky.

However, it is beyond our comprehension to understand why humans could do such despicable act to cause grievous harm to a fellow human being. Not only the Japanese, the wars of the world told us nothing but despicable inhuman stories of the Serbs, the Talibans, the Nazis, etc and the latest, the barbaric torture of the prisoners of war in Iraq.

We are not in any position to estimate the substantiality of the damage/ emotional/ mental/ physical trauma caused during the war. My heart would break into pieces whenever I read about wars anywhere in the world. It is so fucking useless. Why civilized people still go to war to solve problems?

With regards to the tension between the two great nations, our main concern here is, we shouldn’t be dwelling on what had happened in the past but to learn not to repeat the same thing ever.

Let us pray hard that this inhuman cruelty would not surface again in this world, and our children would perpetually live in peace and harmony.

A MONDAY WITH ED

Do you consider going out with a gay - a date?

I met the greatest gay friend that anyone could ever had in their entire life… Of coz I am not saying that because he is the ONE and ONLY gay friend that I have.. he is indeed a very nice person.

He brought me a magnetic photo frame from his marketing office as a gift. I have been out with so many guys, and they never once brought me a gift. Plus 10 points for the gays! It is not the gift that made me like him. He is spontaneous, sincere, lively, unpretentious, he is at ease in his own skin and has the balls that some men don't, to admit that he is a gay. Most importantly, he makes you believe in yourself.

We share a few things in common.

1. Both of us are from TAR College. (Neither of us behave like the usual nerdy prim and proper Tarcians)
2. We did ICSA (for him - I Can Survive Anywhere, as for me – I Can’t Survive Anyhow)
3. Travel extensively (He travels abroad a lot because of his work, and I travel locally due to gluttony)
4. Swear a lot. (He likes to say the word, Ji Bai, a lot. And me – Fuck)
5. Good listeners, at the same time love to gossip.
6. Hilariously funny.
7. Quick witted.
8. Talk a lot ( this time, a man talks more than me – other than the lawyer. I find this liberating)
9. Addicted to coffee.. and most importantly…
10. We both love men.

Not a bad discovery for a first meeting, huh?

Well, I sincerely hope that there will be more Mondays with Ed. It was simply a pleasant and delightful evening.

PUTRAJAYA: REDISCOVERED

I took leave on Friday to run some errands. One of them is to be Sekinchan Boy’s negotiator to buy a digital camera at Putrajaya. (CK said, it is cheaper by RM100 – RM200 there) Being too nice and chin chai, SB is always a gullible subject to be bullied and taken advantage on. So, I am his guardian angel to protect him from these predators. Now, come to think of it, I was the one being taken for a ride of some 80 kms away from home just to buy the damn camera. Lucky thing, he was the one driving, and I got to indulge in my photobug frenzy.

“Why not you ask CK?? He is genetically programmed to haggle for a price! He is much more terrorizing if were to be compared with the housewives haggling for 20 sen discount on kangkong!” I reasoned.

Sekinchan Boy replied, “He said I have to lick his ass if I want him to do me this favor.”

So, I thought, “SB prefers to lick mine, instead?”

I know. This is a sick thought.

Since we were there, we went on a photobug trip to Putrajaya Lake, to test his new Nikon 5900, 5.1 megapixels, 3x optical zoom, 16 feature modes and with D lighting. (I want this camera bloody OH-SO-MUCH!!!)

The pics here are taken with my trusty Canon Ixus II 3.2 Megapixel. I will upload his pics in my photoblog, if he remembers to pass me the pics. Enjoy.

Red Canna


The Pink Mosque


Bed of Flowers


Is this Bahamas?


Flower in the Sky


The Prime Minister's Office


Macro Mosque

PHOTOBUG PARADISE

I was bitten by a photobug while in Sekinchan yesterday. The acres and acres of paddy field are simply breath taking. I can’t wait till harvesting time. There will be more interesting shots to be taken.

As I have mentioned in my previous entry regarding my mini fei chai trip, well, it was really a MINI mini fei chai trip. We had simple meals, mainly ala carte (Pan mein, Pork Noodles and Fishball noodles) and, towards dinner, we merely had a meal which didn’t go too well. The marmite crabs were not fresh, in fact, they were ugh.. foul.

Food...

It was a trip of pure photography, more like a photobug trip, rather than fei chai trip.

Guess I will have to blog more about a fei chai trip in near future, due to Toxic’s demand. *Smile* There is one coming.. soon.

And.. we chose the wrong night to go see the fire flies. It was 3 nights before full moon night – hence, too bright for us to see the luminous fire flies, lighting up the mangrove swamps like Christmas trees… we would have to go again to enjoy this nature’s beauty. The boatman who ferried us, advised us to go in November or December, during rainy season when fire flies prefer to come out and play when the weather is cooler.

Perspective I

Perspective II

Perspective III

Just Another Jackfruit Tree

YY was fascinated by this tree, so we took a pic of this for her remembrance. Probably can be used as a good feng shui pic to be placed in bedrooms of newly weds – to bear fruits?

Three is Company

Taken in front of the Ninth God's temple.

Pisa in Sekinchan?

The camera is tilted to avoid taking into focus, the debris of construction beside the pagoda for joss papers burning.

Above the Clouds?

This is not a camera trick. *Grin* It was inverted from the original sunset picture. Rotated 180 degrees.

Sunset in Sekichan

Many thanks to Sekinchan Boy (Boon Seong) for taking me around for this photobug frenzy and for not pushing me off the sampan while in Kuala Selangor, and thanks to WY and YY for bearing with us, the photobug freaks.

For more pics, click here!

ALL GIRLS NIGHT OUT

The Colors of Rum Jungle

SFM (Skinny Finance Manager) was over enthusiastic over her plans to go clubbing with colleagues. She said she has not clubbed for ages.

A staunch Christian, attending church and cell groups more twice a week, and having far too many things to juggle i.e. a demanding job, studies on Wednesdays and Fridays, and a voluntary teacher to autistic and down syndrome children on weekends…. I think she needs to chill.

I didn’t feel like clubbing with the terrible ulcer in my mouth and my expanded waistline – but I just don’t have the heart to say no to SFM. She had been planning this for a month – so that everyone is okay with the date and place… no no… so that SHE will be okay with date.

So, the four of us – SFM, self, Jane and Ms Blur Sotong, SFM’s dim-witted assistant. This sotong has got really nice long legs and sexy body, though.

I thanked God she didn’t invite the 40-something years old spinster to this outing. Don’t get me wrong. I just hope that our conversation would not be limited to how to save the Aborigines in Australia. I think she has the potential to run for presidency in Australia anytime.

SFM took her entire make up kit (including an electrical hair straightener) to the office and spent more than an hour in the ladies. She ended looking the same as she was when she came to work this morning. Women!

I invited WY along as I am not really into dancing except when I am partially drunk. Also, another female friend who picked me up at the steam bath room in the gym joined us too.

We went to Rum Jungle, since it was the nearest to our office. The songs were not that up-to-beat, however I managed to imitate some moves that cracked WY up. I imitated Bee Stung Lip’s dance move – he always looks like he is picking up a fight when he is dancing.

Boon Seong was specially invited to join us for the fun – a thorn among a dozen roses. He did some dance move too, much to our amazement. I had been to clubbing with him for about 3x and I never saw him dance. I bet he was under the influence of the hypnotic moves of Ms Blur Sotong… the swaying of the hour glass figure.. hmmph..

Well, going off to Kuala Selangor for a mini fei chai trip in 8 hours’ time. I hope Boon Seong will not push me off the sampan when we go to watch the fire flies tonight.

Have a good public holiday everyone!

P.S. Ryuu, you should have come!!

THE ART OF FORGIVING

Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heal that has crushed it.
- Mark Twain-

Sugar shared with me about forgiveness. They talked about it during one of their Christian fellowship in the office every Friday. She tried to drag me in to join them for a few times, but to no avail. I wouldn’t want to join them coz I was afraid they might find it too tedious to exorcise the devil in me. Worse.. I would probably lose my job for scaring the shit outta Xmas Boy with the foams in my mouth during exorcism.

Jokes aside, to forgive someone is never easy, depending on the degree of grievousness of the harm that one inflicted on you.

It may be merely a speech, gesture, remark, act, etc.

What does it take to forgive someone?

Over lunch last week, a dear friend on an impending divorce proceeding, asked me if it is alright for her to forgive her husband for his grave infidelity.

I was touched and enlightened by her courage and compassionate heart.

Her reason being, no matter how much he has hurt her, there is no point trying to get even. It would cause him to hate her more. What is the point of clinging onto him when he doesn’t love her anymore? This would make both their lives miserable – one constantly hating, one causing the hatred.

She said, for now, she hasn’t cultivate enough forgiveness within her heart to just let things go, it would take time, but nevertheless, it will arrive to a point, where nothing else can be done, except to forgive. She is contemplating to withdraw charges on her polygamist husband, for him to carry on with his life and for letting her to live in peace.

All things happened for a reason. She understands that she is facing a horribly challenging time now, and hopes that her perseverance will help her to see things beyond the depths of despair that she is in now.

I encourage her to forgive him and let the things naturally fall into places. It might not be repaid this lifetime, probably a few lifetimes down the road, not for us to dictate, but the laws of cause and effect.

Probably by forgiving him, it would even make him feel remorse of his own actions, and to help him to seek forgiveness from her. This will not only help one person, but two.

Like the bible says in Matthew 5.44 “Love your enemies, pray for those who persecute you.”

Quarrels are to be avoided by patience and forgiveness, for responding to hatred by further hatred only maintains the cycle of vengeance and retaliation. The true conquest of hatred is achieved by non-hatred, by forbearance, by love (Dhammapada 4-6).

HOT BLOODED

Anger

I kept on losing my temper easily lately. I mean, I have always been very short tempered but able to control them as I get older.. but, this time round, it just gotten out of control.

I snapped on my boss a few times for the past two weeks and this had irked her.

Regretably, I apologized to her and jokingly told her that I accidentally drank kerosene, mistaken it as booze.

She said wisely, “No.. no.. I think you are lack of vitamin C”

I replied gullibly, “Vitamin C?? I didn’t know it is a mood regulator.”

She explained, “Yes, Vitamin C – CINTA*”

I snorted and said, “I thought you would say not enough CASH”.

Then, a song by Roxette - Hot Blooded played in my mind.

I am hot blooded! Hot blooded!
I need your loving, I need your love so bad.

Probably I’ll go clubbing and drink till pissed drunk this weekend to chill out.

*Cinta means love in Malay.

HEAVENLY

Heavenly Blueberry Cheesecake

If you remember, I wrote about booze parties in Golden City where we all got pissed drunk and shit like that. And thanks to Yabba’s mom, she made us the best yam cake in the world.

Since she was on leave last weekend, the ever generous Yabba’s mom, knowing that I am very passionate about cheesecake, baked me a blueberry cheesecake. How very sweet of her.

This is the first time I get a cheesecake from her, I happily took the entire 1.8 kgs of cheesecake home last night.

The verdict is:

It was the BEST cheesecake I ever tasted in my life. The first bite was like catching a glimpse of heaven.

I licked the aluminum foil after my stick insect sister had gingerly cut the cakes into bite sizes and placed them in a container for me so I could share them with my fellow colleagues. Then I licked the knife as well. We shouldn’t let good stuffs go to waste. (Yes, I am very good at licking a lot of other things).

My cousin sister walloped four pieces at one go.

My mother, who doesn’t particularly like cheese, licked her finger after she finished her piece and asked for second helping.

Sugar’s eyes almost fell off the sockets when she sank her teeth on a small piece.

My stick insect sister ate TWO slices. It was a miracle indeed.

To those who hasn’t got a chance to taste it, not to worry. This cake is for sale.

IT'S RAINING MEN

Cleo EB'05 Preview

It was raining men in KLCC last Saturday. Everyone (desperate girls, spinsters, teens, aunties, uncles, males, both straight and gays alike) was checking out Cleo’s 50 most eligible bachelors’ (“EB'05”) preview.

I was supposed to be on my way to Tanjung Sepat for another makan-makan trip, but it was called off last minute because our host suddenly remembered that she has to attend her brother’s graduation ceremony in Penang. If I were her brother, I would be very depressed.

Having nothing to do, I hit down to KLCC, to join WY, to catch a glimpse of the hot males strutting down the catwalk.

This year’s batch is quite alright. Most of them are photogenic. Heck. One of our BarFly boys is in the running for the grand prize. VOTE for EB no. 22.

Every year, the boys are getting younger, and I am getting older. I still have the very first issue where they initially launch the search for 50 most eligible bachelors. Every year, without fail, I would attend the preview – unintentionally. It was ALWAYS coincidental for me to go to KLCC during this event annually. I haven’t had the faintest idea on how I did that. Probably the pheromones secreted by the males are just too strong to resist. Heck. I am always lurking in KLCC – the gym, the cinema and Kinokuniya.

Well, here are some of the eligible bachelors that caught our attention.

EB No. 1

In the question-and-answer event, when a girl was asked to choose a bachelor, a GUY in red flowery shirt, on the first level, was frantically screaming his balls off, “NUMBER ONE! NUMBER ONE!” If you have seen the movie: BE COOL, any guy who likes shiny and red-colored stuffs are gays.

EB No. 1 is darn gorgeous. I think he is gay. Judging by the way he walked and talked, and his legion of male fans in red.

EB No. 17

Chris called and complained that EB No. 17 has 40% of votes. He and his friends had spent days on the internet to vote for EB No. 22, but to no avail.

EB No. 24

Ann proudly announced, “THIS IS MY CLIENT”. .. as in management services.. not other services.

EB No. 25 & 26

They looked good in prints and in person. Yum yum.

EB No. 34

This guy thought he was in the Malaysian Idol audition. He just went on and on with his singing.

EB No. 36

I am head over heels over this guy. He is oh-so-gorgeous. *Slurp*

Ed, my new found gay friend, being a wet blanket, confirming EB No. 36 is a gay, “Personal trainer worr.. what do you think?”

Probably he is saying that so he could keep EB no. 36 all to himself! Biatch.

EB No. 39

He looked like a credit card salesman.

EB No. 41

My first internet blind date. It was through him that I got to know WY. While my friendship with WY progresses, he swiftly diminished as a mere acquaintance.

Haven’t seen him in 8 years, he had transformed into a woman (he looked pregnant and.. boy.. he should start wearing bras before his tits start to sag).

EB No. 42

He is the Malaysian version of John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever. This guy sizzled on the dance floor. Ed thinks he is very cute.

A JOURNEY OF A THOUSAND MILES

The Journey

… begins with the first step.

I have been trying to lose weight since I hit puberty. Life can be hard for a fatty, especially when you are born in this era where skin and bones are good, and being fat ain’t a fad.

After the news about my boss’ husband’s friend died of a heart attack at age 34, I was a bit worried about my health. Despite signing up for gym, it is all sheer discipline and will power to be consistent.

After too much boozing, fei chai trips, reunion parties (life is extremely difficult when you have to please everybody), the new KFC curry crunch.. temptation lurks at every corner, and will pound on you when you least expected it.

I have successfully reduced 11.5 kgs during the first 3 months of joining gym. Much to my dismay and disgust, I put them all back on (with “interest”) once I started to slack. Jesus. I wish my stock prices on the share market are as bullish as the way my weight is escalating.

Frankly speaking, other than losing weight, I am checking out the hot bodied men in the gym. I do not find motivation anymore in going to the gym since half of the time, I am being picked up by the girls rather than the men. Sigh. And 80% of the men in the gym, are gays. Double sigh.

Well, after weighing the pros and cons – financially (I am a bit broke with the RM5 parking every time going to the gym) and safety, (at times, I go to the gym in the mornings, and the way to the gym from office is too dark), I decided to freeze my account, and go for walks in FRIM instead.

This morning, I went for a 1 ½ hours walk with a friend at FRIM. I didn’t expect I would survive 15 minutes track up the treacherous slope up to the reservoir! And I did it twice! This is even better than the controlled gradient treadmill with television, drenched with other patron’s sweat. This walk comes with clean, fresh air and soothing forest scent. And it only costs me RM1 per entry. I even bumped into my old A level buddy and he looked darn good! (Plus point)

I have made a pack indirectly with James when I entered a comment on his blog last week, so I would have to make sure I succeed this time.

So, hope that this would be a good start for both me and James, and anybody out there in fact, to lead a healthy lifestyle.

No pain, no gain.

I HAVE A DATE WITH LOOSE SPRINGS

I find witty men fascinating, even if they are butt ugly, broke or plain liars. Now you know why some ugly men are luckier than the good looking ones.

I am one of the statistics of women who would go for brains rather than brawn. I am a supporter of “Women are suckers for personality”.

Being not very active in the dating scene, nonetheless, I am lucky enough to have some interesting/weird dates to be remembered.

Date #1 Aged 31, Chinese, Process Engineer

Date #1: If you are my girlfriend, I can guarantee you a few things. One, my love for you would last for at least 5 years. Two, we will have sex 5 times a week, guarantee up to 10 years.

Couldn’t help it but I laughed like a hyena.

Date #1: If I have one wish, I wish that I am a woman. No need to work so hard and let men take care of me.

Self: You don’t want to be a woman. You’ll have PMS, period, getting pregnant, etc. If you want to be a woman, be a beautiful woman. Else, it would defeat all purpose.

Date #1: Very well then. I wish I am a beautiful woman without having menses.

Self: You mean a transvestite?

I laughed my ass off at most of our conversations. Unfortunately, he is based in Singapore. I don’t believe in long distance relationship.


Date #2 Ageless, (I think he is 60) Mixed parentage, unfortunately he inherited all the bad genes. Freelance photographer

Date #2: What do you usually like to drink?

(He always asks out of courtesy, but never buys me drinks)

Self: Usually gin or vodka.

Date #2: Why do you like only white spirits?

Self: Because I am a racist.

I don’t mind going Dutch on dates. I don’t mind paying for my date either, but not ALL THE TIME. I think instead of a freelance photographer, he is a FREE LUNCH photographer.


Date #3. Aged 30. Chinese. Sales – printing, contemplating to do Chinese medicine, in fact studying to be a Chinese Sin Seh

While watching “Dark Waters” – Japanese version

Date#3: Aiyoh…

*Shaking his head profusely*

Date #3: Sigh…..

*Shaking his head profusely*

Self: What? What’s the matter?

Date #3: I don’t get it lah. Why the ghost wanna get back to the lady? The lady didn’t do her any harm. I cannot relate the karmic effect here.

Self: It’s a movie lah, for Christ’s sake.

Date #3 is a staunch Buddhist and a long term vegetarian. Big Whopper is my staple diet.


Date #4. He claimed he is 30. He claimed to be a Chinese-African. He claimed he’s an engineer

Date #4: Blah blah …. Blah.. blah…

Self: You know a lot of business corporate stuffs for an engineer.

Date #4: Actually I have a confession to make. I am not an engineer. I am a lawyer.

Self: Why did you lie?

Date #4: I find most girls don’t like to go out with lawyers.

Self: You just gave me a reason not to go out with you anymore.

Date #4: See, I rest my case.

Self: You don’t look 30. You look much older than that.

Date #4: Actually.. I am 34.

Self: Wah, you cannot stop lying, can you?

Date #4: The only way to stop me from lying is to kiss me.

Self: Actually what are you? You don’t look Chinese to me. You look like a Baba.

Date #4: I am Chinese-African.

Self: HahhahahahHAHAHhahahahahha.

Date #4: You don’t believe me this time? Do you want me to show you my African anatomy? *Evil grin*

Lawyers rhyme with Liars. He is "delicious" for a short fling, though. *Grin*

Related Post:

Mating Game, Dating Protocol, the Man with a Pan

IN AWE OF LIFE

Life & Death

YS was my college buddy when we took A levels together at TAR College. Even though, it was only a 2 year friendship, she left for Perth to pursue Pharmacy while I was stuck here, doing some shitty business course, we still keep in touch throughout the years. It was quite amazing to see the transitions and transformation in the lives of your dear friends.

From: YS
To: Gina
Date: Fri, 1 Apr 2005 16:57:09 -0800 (PST)
Subject: What I’ve learned...

30 weeks from now, I will be a mother. I have opted for natural birth but am now very scared. Check up here (Australia) is free if it is done by midwives in hospital, just the usual routinous BP/urine/glucose/bb heart rate and size of my tummy.

Maternity class is also free, they mainly push for breast feeding, says it is good for my uterus to contract back to its original size and shape and bb's health, but my breasts will be ugly and pulled by gravity, hehehe..yucky thought...

Here they encourage natural birth unless bb position is wrong, dad can come in to be the supporter, a lot of video tapes I saw is the mum and dad both naked so when the bb come they will have first hours skin to skin contact with parents...they won't do the cleaning/weighing and cord cutting first, instead will put the messy bb in your arm right after it came out (while waiting for placenta to drop out) so the bb can feel mum's bosoms and dad's chest first thing... the funny part when I told my mum this, she said, "why you don't have money to hire a nurse to clean up meh?"...ahahah...we also got water birth, give birth in bath tub...the warm water is natural pain killer for mum....but my mum was saying: "how can? U are not suppose to touch water..."

Francis is worried that I cannot stand the pain (I choose not to use pain killer if possible) and he says maybe go for cesarean. He also worry cannot take the yelling/bloody scene...but I think if we can go through this together, it will be good for our relationship, and I think it will be a good experience for me as a human being....

Nurse tried to make me feel better about not working by saying bb grow very fast, it's a good thing I choose to be with them while they need me most...see how long I could bear staying home before going for day care..

80% is girl...having back pain now so very tired all the time...my parents coming in June to see the bb....

Hope my story wouldn't scared/bored u....and hope I can survive....hehehe....

********************************************************************

On the other hand, Sugar’s husband’s best friend in Bintulu, Sarawak, passed away unexpectedly at a very young age of 34. That spurred me to churn a well-meaning e-mail to my good friends, urging them to take care of themselves.

From: Gina
To: Friends
Subject: In Awe of Life
Date: Mon, 28 Mar 2005 10:20:38 +0800

My boss' husband's best friend, passed away at the age of 34 this morning, following a heart attack, leaving behind a wife and 3 young daughters.

He was just at the height of career and bought a new car. The chums and buddies just met up during the recent Chinese New Year and everyone looked fabulous. Everything was rosy and no one would think this would ever happen to any one of them. It would be the same, every year, meeting up other old chums at this friend's house.

He was overweight, due to too much good food, entertainment, friends and lack of exercise.

It is important to take care of one's health.

With the alarming increase of heart attacks among people as young as 20s to 30s, I guess we need to check our own lifestyle and health.

Desk bound job, long working hours, fatigue, stress, eating out,etc are synonymous with our unhealthy lifestyle.

Procrastination is the worst factor.

"Oh.. this will be the last time I am eating this oily food. I can't resist it. One last bite, then I will embark on healthy eating".

"Oh.. I will go to the gym... tomorrow..."

"Oh.. I will quit smoking... tomorrow..."

"Oh, I will get a health insurance..as soon as I settle this credit card debt..."

"I will write a will once everything is settled..."

Death doesn't care whether have you finish doing what you supposed to be doing or, have you repay your debts, or have you lived your life to the fullest. It doesn't care. When it's time, it's time.

Check and adjust for a better lifestyle. Not only health.

Have you said sorry to someone you have hurt yesterday?

Have you tell/show your parents/husband/wife/best friends how much you love and care for them?

Do today what can be done today and do not offset it till tomorrow for tomorrow may not come.

Live today as if it were your last day on earth.

In awe on how this life is going,
Gina

This life unceasingly amazes me. Even if I still don’t understand the purpose of this life, I better not let it slip by without doing anything about it.