PERHENTIAN TRIP - PREPARATION

Tonight, I forgo a night of booze and men just to meet up with three demented people from my supper gang to discuss about the next Friday trip.

Come to think of it, I must be demented enough to agree to go for a trip with 4 men. A wise friend, TV Smith reminded me, “Remember, you have only three holes”.

Well, like I have mentioned earlier in my blogs, they are nothing, but blood brothers. We decided to stay in Coral View Bay (4 stars) and will book 2 rooms since the rooms looked kinda packed, and there are only three beds in the room. There are 5 of us. Problem.

The Monk said he will sleep on the wooden floor. Koon was fast enough to retort, “Who will be the other one sleeping on the floor?? You pay so much money to sleep on the floor??” I said I couldn’t. As meaty as they think I am, I will wake up with aches all over my body. The Monk suggested that I get an extra mattress and sleep with him on the floor.

Lecherous Bastard (LB) called and said another friend would be joining us. Another guy. WHOOO???? Ah Ming. Who the hell is Ah Ming??? Kit’s friend from work.

Damn.

So, we decided. Since there are 6 of us, it is either 2 in one room or 3 in one room.

(The truth is, Koon and Kit find it uncomfortable to sleep with a girl, and they are willing to pay more NOT to sleep with me in the same room. Very funny.)

4 of us will travel by bus, LB and Ah Ming will travel by van as they are leaving earlier for Kelantan on a business trip. Whoring trip more like it. :p

So now, the Monk said the 3 of them have to draw lots on who will sit with me in the bus for the estimated torturing 12 hours’ journey. I wanted to fly, but they insisted on traveling by land. (They are demented, remember?). The Monk used numerology to determine. He added all my phone numbers to get a single digit. Anything from 1 – 3, Kit will sit with me, 4-6, I will sit with Koon, anything above that, I will sit with him. He got a number 9. God is great or was it my wishful thinking? : the Monk pre-planned this.

We have assigned to ourselves the things to bring/things to do for the trip:

Koon: The bus tickets & rooms, playing cards (for strip poker – men will take off from the pants upwards), a broom (Not for flying). Koon has a habit of sweeping the floor every morning – he always does that whenever he sees a broom. Candle wax.

Kit: Snacks, pills for his backache, amulets (to keep me away), eye cream (he has really dark eye bags)

Self: Sunblock 130 SPF, shower gel, olive body butter, whipped cream and strawberries (Ahem! Ann told me to bring protection)

The Monk: Dagger (OoooOo, kinky), mantras, yellow robe, rosaries, insect repellant (to keep me away)

LB: Mineral water, beer, Absolut Vodka (sponsor by me), Condoms, condoms and more condoms (strictly business)

Ah Ming: I don’t know him. I hope he is gorgeous.

Oh. Boy. It is going to be a blast.

Related Stories: Post Mortem - Conclusion, Post Mortem III, Post Mortem II, Post Mortem I, Ignorance is Bliss, Office Abuse of E-mails, Ain't Love Grand?, Perhentian Trip: Preparation, Supper Gang: Revealed, Supper Talk

MY CICAK STORY

Blue Cicak - Courtesy from Lomoch "of lomoblography"

Well, I did say once on how I met my best buddy, Cynthia.

Lomoch, a sweet guy I met over the internet, showed me his blog on Cicak. It somehow reminded me that I haven't blog about how I met Ann.

We were in the same class for about one and a half semester, and I didn’t talk to her at all. Doing ICSA is this, you get different classmates almost every semester. Students taking different subjects, some students flunk their exams, some slept right through the semester (me! me! Me!), some did super fast like taking 7 subjects and flunked most of them, etc.

I always thought Ann was some stuck up b*tch. Hahahhaa. Coz, she projected herself as someone who was spoilt, rich, and probably the first few people with a mobile phone. (Ann: I use past tense here – so, all of them were assumptions only). Esprit mini tee, Levi’s jeans, high heels, etc. All branded and so darn showy.

I didn’t even bother to talk to her.. and also her gang. They belong to the noisy bunch. A big group with Paul, Vic, Soo and Soo’s ex gf who was the crème de la crème of the group – doing 5 subjects and passing all of them was a big feat then and it earned you admiration even from strangers.

One fine morning, La Crème asked me to join them for breakfast. What the heck? Well, probably I looked pathetic, so I was invited to join this elite group out of sympathy? I obliged quickly. I was a lone ranger then. Nomading from one group to another.

It somehow came naturally to me to strike a conversation with total strangers, as I could chat up anybody on the street, on the bus, on the internet, etc probably part of it due to my work experience in market research. Some friends even commented that I made friends not only from the people I dealt with everyday, I got to know people on the street while helping helpless people with car breakdown, giving directions up to the extent that I even traveled with them sometimes, being the yellow pages for some friends i.e. ranging from dogs to whether this company is worth going for an interview, what stocks to buy, what to take for insomia, free advice for the broken hearted (always standard answer though – leave that bastard!) , etc I think I am just plain resourceful?

Ok ok.. enough of me.

Ann was there. Quiet and giggly. She looked almost harmless, innocent and not even a quarter of the b*tch that I thought she would be. I started by telling them my cicak story which so happened the day before I had breakfast with them.

My Cicak Story

I like to make my milo piping hot. So I pour a freshly boiled water to 5 scoops of milo till the brim. Usually, I will just fill up about 9/10 piping hot water, then stir it quickly, then pour another 1/10 of lukewarm water in it.

When I finished pouring the hot water in my mug, a friend called and asked me to join her for dinner, not wanting to waste the milo, I put a lid on the mug. Worrying that the water will condense due to the steam and it will affect the “quality taste” of the milo, I lifted the lid a little for some air. So off I went with my friend.

Later, when I came home, I remembered my milo. I went to the kitchen to finish it. I was talking to my housemate when I took a big gulp.

I felt some solid particle in my mouth. Thinking it was only some left over milo particles which were not dissolve properly, I grumpily munched on the solid particle and found that it was a bit too rubbery to chew. I spat it back to the mug. It was a lizard, looking right up at me.

Disbelieved, I let out a silent scream. (I don’t know how it sounds, but it was silent, yet it was a scream).

I spit whatever that was left in my mouth and gargled clumsily. Much to my housemates’ amusement, they came to take a look at the sink. It was a dead lizard with a bite marks in between its neck. Obviously, Mr Rubber Stud here decided to go for a dip in a hot spring, and accidentally fell into a volvano.

So, there… I gained La Crème’s, Soo’s and Ann’s undivided attention. It somewhat broke the ice between us.

We talked briefly about the dead cicak’s untimely death and later, I asked whether any of them liked to chat in IRC (Internet Relay Chat). Ann was squealing with excitement like a little girl given the first Barbie Doll on her birthday (it is very easy to please this woman – haha!) and we never stopped talking ever since.

ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER DOLLAR II

11.03 a.m.
Went to see doc for the rashes I had on my right arm. She seemed to be amused since I diagnosed the problems myself and I even told her what to give me for medication. Told her I wanted polaramine, instead of piriton, for my flu which also can work as anti allergy medicine for my rashes (I worked as a clinic nurse before).

Apparently, the rashes on my right arm is due to being the combination of papaya, grape and olive body butter being applied on the same surface during last weekend shopping spree. Think this combination can be used to create a chemical weapon.

1.26 p.m.

Finished lunch. DA bought us Kentucky Fried Chicken today. His daughter’s full moon. Actually, the baby was born prematurely at 6 months. Good thing the baby girl is coping well. Very generous of him. One person is entitled to one dinner plate – consists of 3 pieces of original recipe chicken, one tub of whipped potato and coleslaw, and a bun. I guess I have to do double the time on the treadmill and the cross trainer today. Sigh. Should have offered two pieces to my Malay colleagues who seemed to own a stomach of whale.

1.30 p.m.

A bit groggy due to the medication took for allergies. Have to get an eyeshut for a few minutes. Power nap they called it. Americans paid US$14 for a 20 minute sleep in some power nap services providers in between office hours. Whites!

THE SUPPER GANG: REVEALED

This is the second time I saw the Monk this week alone. This has been an encouraging sign. *Slap* Well, better not give self false hope.

After the embarrassing incident in the cinema some six years ago, he had avoided me like a plague. I didn’t ask him for explanation for his actions while on the way to the cinema, in the cinema and after the cinema till it was five years too late. In July 2003, he laughed hysterically when I asked him what those actions were all about and even denied that he had hots for me during that point of time.

And now, we are planning for a trip together to Pulau Perhentian early August… of course with the demented duo and another guy who is well known for being a lecherous bastard. I hope I don’t share room with him (the lecherous bastard, that is). Life indeed is ironic.

Yesterday, we had supper at the famous steamboat joint in Selayang. There goes my diet and my calorie burning sessions in the gym early that morning.

I don’t know remember how this group started to hang out together. It consists of the Monk and the Demented Duo. I was not a regular till middle of last year when we (the Monk and I) made a pack to be blood brothers instead of lovers.

In the yesteryears, we used to have a friend who was a regular in our supper gang till he started to annoy us by trying to sell us a business opportunity plan (Read: Amway). Knowing that he would not be successful in convincing the highly cynical and melodramatic people like us, he had stopped joining us for supper as he felt that it was a waste of time. (Note: Today, he has yet to be successful in his business opportunity plan and has stopped doing it ever since).

Occasionally, Mr Lecherous will join us with his Malay girl friend of 5 years. We had to forgo all pork balls for him and his girlfriend. We can’t tell racist jokes. I wonder whether has he circumcised himself.

It’s funny to see the composition of this group. All of us were from the same secondary school yet ended up living in a total different lifestyle.

Koon is the most cynical person one can ever meet. He is lack of ambition and insisted on sticking to his favorite quote: “If everyone in this world wanted to be a boss, then no one will become a coolie.” Koon still lives in the pre-historical era, with no mobile phones and he doesn’t wear a watch. He is now in the midst of looking for a job, a single and hope that some rich and hot woman will come to his rescue.

Kit is someone who is totally into amulets. He collects amulets of all kinds, mostly from Thailand. He constantly complains about not having a girlfriend at his age, 29. Probably due to his overzealous passion for amulets that scared most girls away. Imagine bringing a girl home and tried to shag her in front of all those holy figurines. Even whores will turn into holy women. Advised him to join Rotary Club or signing up at the MCA Cupid’s Club to get to know some chics. He is some sort of a mechanic, (I still do not know what he does), a single and hope to get a girlfriend who is not taller than him. He stands at 5 feet 2.

The Monk a.k.a Tai Tau, is the web editor for one of the prestigious tourism company in Malaysia. For his age, I think he did pretty okay in the rat race corporate world. Our schoolmates labeled him as an outcast when he pursued his dreams to do Chinese Studies and Literature when most of us snapped up more practical courses like, computers, engineering, accounting or business. One can never forsee the future. Guess who had the final laugh when China decided to open her door to the world economy? He was the school volley ball captain, standing handsomely at 6 feet 1 and has an athletic body. He still plays tennis three times a week.

Nobody knew about our bizarre friendship till we left school. We hardly talk in school but always on the phone when we were home and gossip about each other’s classmates. I was in Science Class and he was in Art.

Yesterday, I noticed that he has receding hair line. He is nicknamed the Monk as he is so much into Buddhism, and he had a feeling that he was a monk in his past lives who didn’t quite complete his tasks to practise all his mantras to reach Nirvana. So, he is making sure that he will get it right this time round. Obviously a single and forever will be, much to my dismay. He loves Audrey Hepburn though.

Mr Lecherous is a very hard working person. When all of us were still in college or university, he held two jobs at the same time. In the morning, he was the accounts assistant to a karaoke joint, and by night fall, he was a male stripper. Kidding. Just checking if you are still reading.

He was a karaoke supervisor. In no time, he started his own storage business. He is doing pretty okay now. He got to know his Malay girl friend from the karaoke, where she was the cashier.

Myself? Still confused at this age. Trying to get by a day at a time. For the time being, I think I am pretty content. As long as I have movies to watch, books to read, gym to trash, booze parties to crash, friends for coffee and occasional disastrous blind dates to keep me amused, I think I will be just fine.

Related Stories: Post Mortem - Conclusion Post Mortem III, Post Mortem II, Post Mortem I, Ignorance is Bliss, Office Abuse of E-mails, Ain't Love Grand?, Perhentian Trip: Preparation, Supper Talk

WE ARE FAMILY

Yesterday in office, everyone was in a total chaos. Thanks to the lazy, clueless and useless lawyer (a.k.a. Her Royal Highness) that the Company hired.

There were major changes in the terms and conditions of some Agreements, and as usual the management often overlook the Secretarial Department. The Secretarial department in any one company should be called the Scapegoat Department (or if you prefer - Spinsters Department, Sampah Department, Sadists Department, Shitty Department). We always do things that other people deemed unimportant till some Directors/ Officers ended up with hefty penalties or worse, in jail for lack of compliance.

Her Royal Highness, is in her mid 30s, suffering from perpectual chronic cough (this stupid woman actually coughed ON me when she passed me the agreements), skinny scarecrow and her ONLY daily task in the office is to monitor her only son’s food intake.

She would call home constantly to nag the maid to prepare stuffs for the spoilt brat. (I don’t know if he is spoilt. His mother sure made him sounded like one). The timing for the maid to take out the fruits or vegetables from the fridge is also subject to her control, much to my bewilderment. Number of slices of fruits to be given to that spoilt brat is also being supervised. (I can’t help but eavesdrop as she tends to talk too loudly to the maid as if she (maid) is deaf).

As much as one will love his/her own flesh and blood, by controlling the maid or the son’s daily food intake, abusing the office phone is not a solution. If she is such a good mom with overwhelming motherly love for her child, she might as well bloody quit her job and stay home. I wonder how long more the Company will keep her in the payroll list.

Mr Xmas despises her so much that he communicated to her thru my boss, Sugar, much to our disgust. Mr Xmas even requested the Company’s DA (disgruntled accountant) to draft a Loan Agreement, instead of Her Royal Highness. Now I realized what Sugar meant by “WE ARE FAMILY” when she interviewed me for this job. We have to clean up other colleagues’ shit whenever they are inefficient/ useless/ incapable. Heck, I discovered that I am quite good in vetting agreements. One plus point here.

It is amazing how Her Royal Highness always gets away with mistakes she made, by being totally clueless or just by saying the three magical words, “I DON’T KNOW”. And all her servants (us) will scurry to her rescue, as we do not wish for any hick ups in our workload, which in turn will result in our sorry asses being fried by Mr Xmas. It’s kinda sad that such individuals still exist much to other’s expense.

Like the Malay proverb which goes, “Sepandai-pandai tupai melompat, akhirnya jatuh ke tanah juga”.

I can’t wait for the day the squirrel falls flat on its face.

EXERCISE = EUPHORIA?

I do not have the faintest idea that exercise can make someone feel so good.. so refresh, so sane, so calm.

I overdid it today, despite Doc’s advice. Anyway, my right arm was numb, I freaked out and thought it was a sign of stroke. Instead, it was a false alarm. I overstretched my nerves and Doc advised me to stay off gym for a week. I can’t possibly do that! I am addicted! I am an official gym rat.

So I pleaded with him, no group exercise or whatever machines that might require use of hands – swinging that is. Keep your hands to the bar!

Gym Activities today

Treadmill – 44 minutes – 250 kcal burnt, 3 km

Cross trainer – 35 minutes – 250 kcal burnt, 1.5 km

Dessert: There were SOOOOOOOO many people today.

And towards the end, I did not feel tired. Instead I felt ecstatic, hyper, euphoric, light. I am deliriously happy suffering from overdose of endorphins.

Should have started earlier!

PS. James – do not procrastinate!

AIN’T LOVE GRAND?

-----Original Message-----
From: Gina
Sent: 2004年7月19日 10:13
To: The Monk
Subject: phone numbers

hello

here are the phone numbers i think we can call to check out for room rates in p'hentian

1300-88-5776 (Cuti Cuti Malaysia)

2163 7700 (Some tourism company)

i cannot call as i cannot let ppl know i am going on a holiday. i have to bullshit for taking leave.

Thanks and regards,
Gina


----- Original Message -----
From: The Monk
To: Gina
Sent: Monday, July 19, 2004 11:05 AM
Subject: RE: phone numbers

What a poor thing, taking leave pun mahu buang air besar merata-rata.


-----Original Message-----
From: Gina
Sent: 2004年7月19日 11:11
To: The Monk
Subject: Re: phone numbers

WHERE GOT MERATA-RATA??? I am not a bull. hahahah. at least bullshit is better than elephant shit. elephant shit all come in big chunks, yet it is totally useless. cant even use as fertilizers.


----- Original Message -----
From: The Monk
To: Gina
Sent: Monday, July 19, 2004 11:34 AM
Subject: RE: phone numbers

Oh I see. Thanks for the info, animal shit specialist.

----- Original Message -----
From: Gina
To: The Monk
Sent: Monday, July 19, 2004 11:37 AM
Subject: Re: phone numbers

you are most welcomed, you meat eater monk.

Gym Activities

Morning, 7 am to 8 am

20 mins – Treadmill
22 mins – Cross Trainer

Dessert: The same chic flashed her tits and pubic hair at me again today. Is she coming onto me? Ugh.. she wore unmatching underwear. Black bra and white lacy panty.

Went to see the doc today. He said I had to cool the gym thingy off as I had over stretched my nerve.

DREAM INTERPRETER

Woah... I googled my way to understand my dreams.. and here it is...

Umbrella

To see an umbrella in your dream, suggests that you are putting up a shield against your emotions and trying to avoid dealing with them. It is also symbolic of emotional security. If the umbrella is leaking, then it indicates that you are unprepared in facing your problems.

To dream that you cannot open you umbrella and it is raining, then it suggests that you are open to confronting your own feelings and letting your emotions come to the surface.

Alcohol

To dream that you are enjoying alcohol in moderation, denotes contentment and satisfaction in the decisions that you have made. Chances for success is likely.

To dream that you are consuming alcohol in excess, signifies feelings of inadequacy and regrets. You harbor fears of being discovered for who you really are. Alcohol may serve as a way for your to escape or an excuse for something you did.

Bottle

To see a bottle in your dream, signifies how you may be pushing your feelings back inside rather than expressing them. The contents of the bottle indicate the nature of the emotions. A bottle of champagne shows your need to socialize, while a bottle of poison signifies evil thoughts.

To see an empty bottle, denotes that you have exhausted your inner resources. You may be feeling drained and empty inside.

Burning

To see something burning, indicates that you are experiencing some intense emotions and/or passionate sexual feelings. There is some situation or issue that you can no longer avoid and ignore. Alternatively, it may suggests that you need to take time off for yourself and relax.

Fire

Depending on the context of your dream, to see fire in your dream can symbolizes destruction, passion, desire, illumination, transformation, enlightenment, or anger.

It may suggest that something old is passing and something new is entering your life. Your thoughts and views are changing. In particular, if the fire is under control or contained in one area, it is a metaphor of your own internal fire and inner transformation. It also represents your drive and motivation.

To dream of that you are being burned by fire, indicates that your temper is getting out of control. Some issue or situation is burning you up inside.

To dream that a house is on fire, signifies passion and loving companions.

To dream that you put out a fire, signifies that you will overcome your obstacles in your life through much work and effort.

Gis of the dream:

I put out the fire on the umbrella (I don’t know why I did that. It’s a dream remember?) Then, I dreamt I wrote his name on the empty bottle of vodka. He was there watching me, even tried to help me to write as I do not know how to write in Chinese.

D-I-Y Interpretation:

I have come in terms with my emotion towards him with much hard work and effort. I am drained of my resources and feeling empty inside.

I still have intense feelings towards him.

Whatever I do or say or act, I can blame in on the influence of alcohol. (That is comforting to know)

Damn... Freud is probably right. All your dreams had something to do with sex.

I DREAMT OF ABSOLUT VODKA

I had the weirdest dreams last night. They were vivid that I thought they were for real. I almost pissed in my pants when I woke up this morning.

As usual, everything is in its scattered forms. My brother and I were drafted by the government to fight demonic forces. Don’t laugh! Try to dream this yourself (if possible), and you will feel the anxiety, hopelessness and your real affections towards your family members.

James and Mae found it amusing when I recalled my dreams while we were making our way to church this morning. (The reason why I am in church is, I have to show my face to Mr X’mas that I accepted his invitation to this carnival that his church is organizing, so that I will be in his favorable list – nothing spiritual about it, maybe superficial. God will hate me for saying this).

Before Mae starts to apologize profusely for being late when both of them hopped into my car…

Self: Hey! I dreamt of something weird this morning!

James & Mae: What dreams?

Self: I dreamt that my brother and I were drafted to fight demons.

J&M: Hahahahhaha!

(Okay – I admit that I might look comical at this point of time)

Self: My brother whined about going to this cause and he cursed himself for not taking up the offer to do National Service instead. At least in NS, you won’t get killed! (Probably raped or kidnapped or drowned)

Self: My brother was so chickened shit that I sympathize with him and I would do anything to save him from this. So I began to prepare myself for after life. You know, life in hell… I burnt something for myself to use in hell. Guess what did I burn?

J&M: What?

Self: I burnt myself a bottle of Absolut Vodka.

J&M: HAhahahahahahahah! You alcoholic!

J: This says so much about you, Gina!

Self: Weh.. I also don’t know why above all things, I burnt myself a vodka okay? And what I don’t understand is that, instead of writing my own name on the bottle (in order for me to get it in hell later, some sort of delivery service from the living to the dead), I wrote the Monk’s name on it? (and it was in Chinese! I don’t know Chinese!)

M: Uhhh Oh! Unsolved problems.

J: Who is the monk???

Self: The Love of my life.

J: You ass. Who is the monk???

Self: There are certain things I tell Mae that I don’t tell you okay, James..

J: You ass!

(Imagine a Christian calling me an ass (twice) on the way to church on a Sunday morning)

Self: So, we begged the government not to send us to fight demons. The Government gave us another choice: To detonate a bomb.

J&M: Hahahhaha!

J: This is like – no choice. Either way you still die.

Self: Yeah. I think I would rather fight demons than to detonate a bomb. At least when I die, I die in one piece and not several pieces.

J: Hahahahahahahhahahahhaha!! Only you would say these kinda things lah!

M: Yeah, fighting demons, maybe you won’t die, you would just get possessed. (Is this woman a genius or what?)

Self: Probably.

In between the scattered dreams, I dreamt that I had to teach my old parents how to use the internet to pay the bills when I am gone. It was a somewhat tragic yet comical dream.

This has a lot to say about what I worried most in my real life. I probably worried not able to provide enough for my parents, not supportive enough towards my brother, and I probably love the Monk too much that I made him equivalent to Absolut Vodka.

I still don’t get it though. Why on earth, of all things, I burnt an umbrella together with that bottle of vodka to prepare myself for hell. Is it always raining and there is no pub in hell?

A SERIAL DIARIST

I was a bit chia pa sio eng (“too free” in Hokkien”) on Thursday night. Didn’t go to the gym after a long drive in the maze of Kuala Lumpur and Petaling Jaya the night before. Watched Spiderman 2 with two hermits who couldn’t recall the directions to their homes as they only know how to go home from their offices. They always think that friends who drive are synonymous to cab drivers (or the road mappers?), having the entire KL and PJ city map integrated in their brains with one plus point: it’s free.

I was clearing my room and I found a box stacked away under my good old study desk I hardly use even during school time.

It is a box of the story of my life.

Story of my life

Gina - 1988 to 2004 and beyond

1988 - A white canvas

Synopsis

I remembered I pestered mom to get me this. I don’t remember how I got myself into this habit of keeping a diary. Must be from the tv.

It’s cute to see your own handwriting when you were 12.

1992 - 1993 - Wilderness years

Synopsis

The plain Jane of the 90s. Nothing much happening, just school stuffs and cute boys I met during tuition. Having hard time in school, not being able to fit in, being the only Chinese in Science 1 class who was totally hopeless in math, being one of the Chinese in school not knowing Mandarin yet appointed to be the Vice Secretary of the Chinese Society. Can you actually believe that?

I still remember an old classmate once said, “If you are a Chinese, and you are lousy in Math, don’t call yourself a Chinese. Mensiasuikan!”

I was so hurt as I was the only one with a C3 in Math and the rest obtained A1.

Got to know the greatest guy I ever met in my entire life (okay – maybe not entire life – half of my life) and develop a crush on him which lasts till today.

Got my first job as a nurse in a clinic.

I was a staunch Christian. Baptized in the Holy Ghost.

1994 - I'm not a girl, not yet a woman

Synopsis

Year of Rebellion. Somehow, first time staying away from parents really brings out the true character in you . I think this is where I learnt to be street smart.

The reality of being a young adult, responsibilities towards parents when they are not watching you, learning to discern, being home sick.

Made friends from all over Malaysia. Met Dr Jekyl and Hyde friends.

Being suicidal.

Back slided from being a Christian.

1995 - 1998 Years of turbulation
1998 Years of turbulation II

Synopsis

First time my tongue tasted hard liquor and surprised to find I could hold my alcohol well, cigarettes, and no.. I didn’t do drugs or having promiscuous sex. Good thing I was leveled headed despite all the booze, or probably the friends that I was with, were all goody two shoes. (TAR College, what do you expect?)

Started to doubt myself. Do not understand the mere existence of human. What is life? Why am I here? Probably listening to too much of Nirvana. I was a Cobain’s fanatic fan.

Still suicidal.

Discovered the power of internet.

Got to know there are more ways to enjoy sex other than the mediocre missionary position. Thanks to Karma Sutra. Discovered oral sex from Sharon Stone’s Basic Instinct.

Note: Theoretically SPEAKING ONLY and harvesting experiences from friends who kiss and tell. I strongly believe in the sacredness of the small tissue.

Created strong friendship bonds which last till today and will be for my entire lifetime.

Officially NOT a Christian anymore.

1999 - 2001 Soul searching

Synopsis

Working part time while still in college. Met interesting people from all walks of life due to job scope and via internet.

Rediscover my sense of humour.

Still couldn’t understand men.

No longer suicidal.

I am a pagan.

Late 2001 - 2003 Big world

Synopsis

Joining the corporate world full time. Dog-eats-dog world. Life’s a bitch. You get to meet some real nasty people you could only imagine. Also, thank God to have met some kindred spirit at work which motivated me to stand on my feet again and relieved to know you have friends you can totally rely on.

Insofar, this is the darkest episode of my life. Dad suffered from stroke. Stick insect sister struggling with anorexia nervosa. Death of beloved grandmothers (2 years apart). All hell broke lose in the last job. Brother planning to get hitch to his erratic girlfriend. (Hahaha! This is a tasteless joke! My sis in law is cool).

A serial dater.

I am officially a pagan.

2004 Contemplation begins

Synopsis

To have or not to have a religion? To have or not to have sex? (Not that I have a choice). To have an affair or not to have an affair? (Since I don’t plan to get married) To switch or not to switch job? To swallow or not to swallow? (Haha)

Yes. I still keep a diary. Nobody blogs every damn thing.

I believe all religion is equally good.

LOVE WANTED

Had a teh tarik session with Ann while waiting for the jam to subside as the entire KL was flooded.

We were talking about relationships and gossip about other people’s relationships, amongst other things.

The most common yet difficult question popped out.

What are the qualities you look for in your soul mate? I seriously still do not know what I wanted when it comes to choosing someone to spend the rest of my life with.

Then, Amy Tan’s captivating words in the Hundred Secret Senses permeated my mind.

“When I was with him, I felt as if a secret and better part of myself had finally been unleashed… with him, I laughed harder, thought more deeply, felt more passionately about life beyond my own cubbyhole. We could volley ideas back and forth like tennis pros. We wrestled in each other’s minds. We unearthed each others’ past with psychoanalytic gusto.” Page 60

“… I know what love is. It’s a trick on the brain, the adrenal glands releasing endorphins. It floods the cells that transmit worry and better sense, drowns them with biochemical bliss. You can know all these things about love, yet it remains irresistible, as beguiling as the floating arms of long sleep…” Page 252

Love, to me, is a state of mind.

COPS OR CROOKS?

Friday, 16 July 2004

The Sun. Front page.

Public Input on laws

…… Under proposed changes to the Criminal Procedure Code, police will be empowered to intercept postal, telegraphic, telephonic and other communication of any act of terrorism…..

My say:

It is a good thing if this is used solely for combating terrorism or other malicious acts which might be detrimental to the society. But isn’t this a new way for the police to abuse power, getting evidence or proof that will humiliate/embarrass other people (Read: Private & Confidential) and use this privilege to black mail them?

TOP TEN

I renewed my road tax today.

Insurance agent: You got kena summon or not ah?

Self: What summon?

Insurance agent: You drive like Formula One driver… sure kena one!

Self: CHOY!

After exactly one year of driving in KL, here are the top 10 types of drivers that ought to be banned from the roads or have their license revoked or placed on a house arrest (preferably clobbered to death)

10. Driving at 50 kmph on the fast lane when there is no other cars in other lanes

9. Putting a perpectual signal to turn left or right but having no intention to turn at all

8. Slowly cruising the road, maintaining a two-cars-apart (as per the undang undang book) distance in a hectic morning jam

7. Putting the high lights on and tailing your car 1 foot behind

6. Talking happily on the handphone and totally oblivious about the surrounding cars trying to avoid knocking into him/her

5. Honking loudly at you when you go into the other lane even if the other car is like 20 feet away from behind (with a signal on)

4. Uncivilised drivers who practically unload all the rubbish from their cars to the road when they are waiting at the traffic light

3.Taking it for granted when you gave them way at a junction by maintaining a speed of 20 kmph ahead of you

2. Lost drivers who maintain a 10 kmph ahead of you on a small road and occasionally slam on the brakes, and having no common sense to stop aside and ask for directions

1. Stopping for a minute to look at an accident/break down and cause a massive jam even if the accident only leaves a slight scratch on the bloody bumper

Related Stories:

Top Ten Reasons I am not a Christian

UNDERNEATH THE STARLIGHT

Cinema Under A Million Stars

The Movie: Something’s Gotta Give

The Stars: Jack Nicholson, Diane Keaton, Keanu Reeves (Slurrrps!), Amanda Peet

The Place: Bukit Kiara Equestrian Club

The Patrons: Ann and Self, and some other 200 people

Synopsis of Spontaneous remarks/comments:

While on the way:

Ann: I can’t imagine you now without a car.

Self: Why don’t they have a campaign for violence against men? Men get abused too. (referring to MixFm Drive: fighting violence against women)

Ann: Only you would think of such things.

While looking for car park:

Ann: Shit. We should have parked there just now! Ask you to “sip”, you don’t want to “sip”! (Translation: Slot in?)

Self: I know I don’t drive a BMW. (when they didn’t let us to park inside the Kiara Equestrian Club)

Ann: Let’s park at the taxi stand and buzz off so that bugger doesn’t give us a parking ticket. (We would do anything NOT to pay for parking)

Self: Is that a DBKL tow truck??

While walking some 100 kms into the movie site from the place I parked my car:

Ann: I think you have lost some weight.

Self: Hey, this is cool. Gym in a Cinema!

Ann: It stinks here!

Self: Cinema in a zoo?


Branded!

Before the movie:

Self: What? Are we a cattle? (refer to the branding)

Ann: Ah? So small one ah the screen? I hope not. Some people PAY for their tickets.

Self: What? I ordered a Whopper Jr??


I love my Whopper... Full Sized

During the movie:

Self: Jesus. I’ll be sucked dry within minutes.

Ann: That bitch* in front can’t sit still! Got something up her ass?*

Ann: Can that woman see lying down on the mat?

Ann: Yo! That fat ass over there is making out with her boyfriend!

Self: Is that a boyfriend or a butch?

Self: They don’t need to bring pillows. That butch can just sleep ON her.

* Ann didn’t say that. I made that up.

After the movie:

Self: I can’t feel my ass.

Verdict:

Yes. We did watched the movie despite talking too much. Well, it is a generally okay movie. Except the part where Diane kissed Keanu. The patrons didn’t aired disgust/nausea when she kissed Jack.

Tips the next time you visit Starlight

Please bring mosquitoes repellant if you don't wish to be victims of these mini draculas. Wear something bright so you don’t attract mosquitoes.

Sit as in front as possible and closer to other mats (Yes- you have to bring your own mats) because you don’t want irritating late comers to squeeze in your comfort spot.

NOT recommended for people with back pains and can't sit still on the field/floor/flat surface for more than 2 hours.

Useless thought for today:

Mosquitoes prefer Blood Type A people?

Silly stuff I tell Sugar today (Totally irrelevant to this post)

Gays wear earrings on their right ear lobes.

UNSTOPPABLE

Decided not to go to the gym since I have a deadline. Further, I left my towel at home. I never had all my stuffs in place. First, I forgotten my face towel, then I forgot my comb, then water tumbler.. now my bath towel. I hope I don't forget my underwear.

I still have Kenny’s birthday card with me, and tomorrow is his birthday. I have promised TFF to see her in the changing room at 7.15 pm and this genius left her mobile phone at home.

So, I f*cked work and hauled my ass to the gym in a jiffy. Nothing's gonna stop me now once the ball start rollin'! (Punny)

Gym Activities Today

Treadmill: 15 minutes.

Walked up to the main studio for group exercise, then I was late.. again.

Diverted to the mini studio, and found that they will be having Step (Advanced). Saw an old friend there. A girl who danced really well but still couldn’t get guys to notice her. I remembered we were at this college night, and she was frantically shaking her body, but the rest of the gang were shy and sheepish. We ended being picked up, she didn’t.

Said HI to her. She asked me what am I doing here? DUH! There is something called common sense?

She said I looked cute. (Ugly but adorable?)

Treadmill: Another 30 minutes

Cross Trainer: 20 minutes.

Total Calories burnt: About 250 kcal.

Dessert: Ladies in the changing room are getting bolder. There were some girls who stripped totally naked shamelessly. This made TFF cursed as she said it’s bad luck to see other people’s pussies and pubic hair in public. (A new tongue twister?) She is a compulsive 4D/Toto/Pan Malaysia gambler.

Hopeful thoughts of the day:

There is nothing wrong being totally naked if I am in that good shape. Bloody make sure I have matching underwear though.

I TRASHED MY SHOES

Today is my fourth time going to the gym and my shoes are trashed.

The bottom layer of my left shoes came off when I was on the treadmill for the second half (15 minutes) session. Lucky thing, the step aerobics class started earlier than scheduled, and we (me and TFF) missed it. Imagine the sole of the shoes flying across the mini studio. It would be mensiasuikan.


Trashed

After gym, we went to shop for shoes. (We are efficient people). Didn’t see what we like. So, decided to check out again this weekend.

I spotted a pair of red NIKE trainer worth RM499. I am soOoooOo in love with that shoe.

Gila! Can even pay my car montly instalment with that amount of money to be slapped on my feet! :(

Gym activities today

30 minutes (2 sessions – 15 minutes each) on the treadmill. Gradient – 5, Speed – 6 km per hour, Effort Level - 5

10 minutes of rowing, due to shoes malfunction.

15 minutes on the cross trainer.

Calories burn: About 160 on the treadmill for 30 minutes. 100 on the cross trainer for 15 minutes.

Dessert: I didn’t wear my glasses today, so I didn’t notice any cute bums.

CONTROL FREAK

I am a control freak. I like to control the slightest things. I monitor all my stock prices daily. I keep track of my expenditure everyday in a book (yet overspent. It is not meant for budgeting). When I draft a resolution, I want my page set up margins to be 1.0 inch on the top and bottom, and 1.25 inches on the left and right. All in all, I am just a fussy pot. (or.. Spinsterhood is LOOMING??)

Somehow, I don’t know why the perfectionism in me does not overrule my lack of vanity. Sigh.

So from today onwards, I will put the perfectionist side of me to good use.

I will document my gym activities. *Yawn* (Hey! It is better than someone who document what he eats every damn day!)

Hope that you are not bored to death. Else, you are always welcome to browse through the Cool links at the side bar. (Highly Recommended: Loopy Meals (Celebrating fatherhood's joy), TV Smith (Articulate and Witty), Sixth Seal (Not for the faint-hearted))

Gym activities today

15 minutes on the treadmill. Gradient – 3, Speed – 5 km per hour

45 minutes of step aerobics

Another 15 minutes on the treadmill. Gradient – varies from 2.5 to 3.5. Speed – 5 km per hour.

Calories burn: 140 on the treadmill for 30 minutes. (doesn’t look worth doing it. One egg tart is already over 100 calories!) Step aerobics - I don’t know.

Dessert: Saw this tall, dark and bulky guy in my step aerobics class. I think he is gay.

TWELVE SEN COMPANY

8.43 a.m.

Yawn. Am late to office these days. This is what happened to you when you pick up strange men in the internet till wee hours in the morning on working nights.

Unlike the first two weeks in my new job, I was always in office before 8 am. Office starts at 9.00 am. Colleagues will only throng in after 9.00 am. Disgruntled employees? Or maybe they are just ill-disciplined? Sugar said it is not nice to be that way. We must adhere to the working hours. Just can’t take things for granted. I think I agree with her. By the way, both of us are relatively new in the company. You know, the over enthusiastic type.

I was a struggling insurance salesperson the last two months when I quit my job at a well known public listed company due to differences between me and the bitchy boss (47 years old spinster). Crap. I forgone the lucrative ESOS (“Employee Share Option Scheme”). So instead of working for a RM3.40 average share priced company, I am now working for a 12 sen average share priced company.

Thank God for Mae for roping me in to assist her during the two trying months of being in the depth of despair (even if I am a pagan) (Related Stories: The Hung Man & Mistaken Identity). Guess blessings come in small miracles.

Since I am working full time now, I will be talking mainly about my job here. Hey, if you don’t like hearing this, don’t force yourself to read my blog. Hehehe.. so "lansi" now. (Translation: Stuck-up/Arrogant)

So now, I am here (12 sen company). Not much increment in salary if you tell me. Not even 10% and I have to drive additional 10 kms from my house and PAY for parking. But I am darn happy here. A lot of shit to do, yet I am happy. I am happy coz my colleagues are open minded and able to take my opinion for once. And most important thing of all, I am trusted and respected. Now I believe in the saying, “Behind every cloud, there is a silver lining.” It has renew my hope and set me going again.


Gina's Work Station

P/S Yeah. The stationaries and equipment are rather pathetic... but most imporant thing is.. I am DARN HAPPY.

RARE SUNDAY

I love my Sundays to be spent at home quietly. Away from the busy city streets, screaming children (when those two demons that my mom baby sat had gone home for the weekend), hand phone switched off, when I can have the entire living room to myself, minus the high volumn from the TV whenever my hard hearing dad is watching some low IQ local production on TV3. This type of Sunday is rare! (There are about a dozen of people staying in my house – so you can imagine the chaos and lack of privacy here. I am not sure of the numbers as my cousin brother and his girl friend are always on their nomadic instinct, going in and out of the house like a hotel).

Also, my aunt decided to whip up a new recipe every other Sundays for the family to try. So, today’s recipe is minced chicken with preservative egg. I tell you, I give this 9/10.


Taste as good as it looks

Went to the gym yesterday. Bumped into Kenny, my two-day complimentary personal trainer. Eh? I thought he said he won’t be in on weekends. Probably doing his own freelance on weekends (Read: Paying Client).

Ms Tau Foo Fah now is my official gym buddy! Both of us are excited about it and, we both have the same goal. To be able to fit in a nice evening gown for our best friend’s wedding end of this year. A friend of mine said, it is NOT YOUR wedding, why bother to put in so much effort? Come to think of it, yeah.. why? Well, who knows? We might meet our knight in shining armour during that wedding, and we can then plan our own wedding the following year? Hehe. Wishful thinking.

As we were on the treadmill, I glanced at the bald hunky guy’s reading on his machine next to mine. Woah.. effort level – 8, gradient – 5, speed – 6 miles per hour. Mine: effort level – 2, gradient – 2 and speed – 5 miles per hour. I am doing crap. Anyway, I can’t over exert myself after hibernating for as long as I can remember. Hope that I can increase my level of effort the next visit.

When I got out from the gym, again, I bumped into three ninjas at the entrance to the building. (Muslim ladies in Black Burqah). For a few quick seconds, I felt that Kuala Lumpur is being invaded by ninjas.

I went to another friend’s house for an annual pot luck party after that. It is just a gathering of a group of friends, ex colleagues for a hot meal. (There goes the 50 minutes effort on the bloody treadmill)

There is a wide range of people in our party, from the oldest, a 50++ years young tax manager, to the youngest, my ex boss’ 2 years old son, Baby Ryan. There were about 20 of us.

As usual, Jesse James*, (not her real name), the loud mouth, tall pretty babe, who works in a publishing company, kept on bragging about her skill in cooking the curry chicken. So, we entertained her and kept on repeating her words: “You know? I went to the market at 4 pm to pick this chicken from the market. Ask the seller to slaughter it on the spot, I must make sure that the chicken is fresh. You know?” I was so tempted to lie that I am a vegetarian just to spite her.

When all the older people had left for the night (Read: people with families), the younger ones stayed back for a poker-cum- alcohol game. Some of them (holier than thou) did not join us as they preferred to talk about their sad, celibate lives. Okay.. maybe they talked about something else.


Absolutely Fabulous

I sponsored a bottle of Absolut Mandarin. Nice soft hint of tangerine. The usual game of poker began on a relaxing mode ended up with someone getting pissed drunk and talking nonsense. Jess and I grabbed this opportunity to whisk out untold secrets from Leslie* (not his real name), Dennis’ bosom buddy, who is always with the wrong women at the wrong time for the wrong reasons.

Questions like: Are you still a virgin? How much money have you got in your bank now? Who are you currently seeing? Not another girl with a boyfriend, are you? Etc etc.

Yeah. We are a bunch of cruel bitches.

I was home by 3 am, and now, nursing the muscle ache owing to the 50 minutes on the treadmill and the rowing equipment and a slight hang over.

HANDSOME PERSONAL TRAINER

Friday, July 2nd. 5.05 pm
Office

Don’t feel like working now. Kinda excited as today will be my first session with my handsome personal instructor, Kenny. I haven’t met him in person though. From the sound of him on the phone, he doesn’t sound too bad, not so husky, not squealing like a young boy, sounds good enough for me. Anyway, I told Billy to get me the most handsome instructor he could find as I was pissed off with the previous (female) instructor who kept changing my appointment with her to suit her BIG CLIENT from PUTRAJAYA. (Billy boy is my membership consultant who managed to get me sign up without much effort – he is not handsome, he is just lucky. Okay lah.. I admit he is cute). I change the instructor not because of gender discrimination, but because she was being such a pain in the ass. I am also a very busy person. I can’t be changing my appointment to suit the PUTRAJAYA BIG CLIENT. So, I asked her - politely, what does your PUTRAJAYA CLIENT gotta do with me? Immediately, she requested me to reschedule timetable with someone else, which is fine with me. That is when I complained to Billy.

Called him (Kenny) just now to confirm the appointment. He took a few minutes to answer the phone. He was huffing and puffing all the way, as if he was dying of asthma. Bad stamina? I don’t think so. How many times does he exercise in a day? I will ask him that. Probably can recommend him some lotion or cream for his skin. Hehe.

Have been shooting e-mails with Ann, Vicki and Paul. Read below: Now, that’s what I called chain mails!

6.15 pm

What the hell am I still doing in the office? Appointment is at 7.00 !!

6.25 pm

Met some colleagues at the lift. They saw me in my gym gear.

Where are you going? Yoga?

No…

Jogging?

No…

Then where? Wearing like this?

Why you all so KPC? (Translation: busy body) – I didn’t say it. I just show it on my face.

I am going to the gym. :p


6.55 pm
At the gym.

I went to look for Billy Boy to get my access card. I was surprised that they actually shot my pic at the reception using some camera which looks like a web cam. The pic turned out to be crap. Or rather, the person in it looked like crap.

7.05 pm

I paged for Kenny. Uhmmm…. Okay. Not a knight in shining armour. But, he is handsome (not overly gorgeous), with all his lean muscles and… he is fairer than me. Cute butt. Not very tall. I think he is no way above 25 years old. A friendly guy. Polite. I think I won’t be scolding Billy afterall. (or I have low expectation? Hehe)

Did some stuff on the treadmill, looking like a hamster on the wheel. Also tried most of the machines there. I still prefer classes. Tomorrow I shall try for the group exercise.

I told him how I ended up with him. (Read: PUTRAJAYA BIG CLIENT and forcing Billy to get me the most handsome instructor). He was really modest. He said in fact, there is another guy who is a model working as a fitness instructor there, who is much more handsome if were to compare to him.

Hahaha. I said, it is okay. I am just kidding. (Kidding about compulsory getting a handsome instructor, not about Kenny’s looks. – he is alright) Haven't build a tight rapport with him as yet (Read: Nothing sexual. Strictly Fitness instructor and client relationship)

I wasn’t even poofed out in the end of the session (45 minutes). I thought it was just the warming up. But I sweated beads. So, Kenny must have thought I have enough since I told him I am on medication for high blood pressure. He was careful.

We fixed another appointment for next week, but all the preferred slots seemed to be taken by people.I wanted Friday, but he said, it is his birthday and he won’t be working.

So, I told him to call me whenever he is available. Then I am off.

8.02 pm

Bought a card which says: WoRKED out. It’s your birthday. Have a good one. With a teddy bear in front of the card carrying weights.


A small card for the big .. lark?

Will give it to him if I see him next week. (NO – I am not flirting with him)

8.10 pm
Out of the parking lot.

Holy cow. Ninjas on the road. (Muslim women in black burqah trying to cross the busy road with tows of children in prams).

NOW, THAT'S WHAT I CALLED CHAIN MAILS!

----- Original Message -----

From : Ann
To: Gina, Vicki, Paul
Sent: Friday, 07/02/04 04:15PM

U apa pelan malam nanti (Translation: any plans tonight?)

----- Original Message -----

From: Vicki
To: Ann
Cc: Paul, Gina
Sent: Friday, July 02, 2004 4:21 PM

no plan, probably go home after work. why?

regards
Vicki

----- Original Message -----

From: Gina
To: Vicki, Ann, Paul
Sent: Friday, July 02, 2004 4:23 PM

aku ada date dengan personal trainer kat gym. (Translation: I got a date with a personal instructor at the gym)

i told the membership consultant to get me the most “leng chai” one (Translation: Handsome) Hahahaha

crap. i am having a headache now.

-----Original Message-----

From: Paul
To: Gina, Vicki, Ann
Sent: 02 July 2004 16:40

Tai 'shum cheng'. (Translation: Depends on my mood) Got a few things at hand to do .. depending on what time I logged off from office....someone got hot date with trainer tonight - very happening..hope ur headache will be off by then or ask him for a relief...hehe

----- Original Message -----

From: Ann
To: Paul, Gina, Vicki
Sent: Friday, July 02, 2004 4:59 PM

Date with personal trainer. Hot stuff!!
Paul, why all mails from you today small fonts


-----Original Message-----

From: Gina
To: Ann ; Paul; Vicki
Sent: 02 July 2004 17:04

to put it in a nicer way, it is called a date lor. if not, an appointment in hell. shit. he said he will force me to work my butt off.

just now i called him to confirm the appointment. he was huffing and puffing. hahahahaha. sounded real sexy. dunno how he look like leh. if he is not “leng chai”, billy boy will get into trouble - (membership consultant)


----- Original Message -----

From: Vicki
To: Paul, Gina, Ann
Sent: Friday, July 02, 2004 4:56 PM

if you guys want to go out to yam cha, (Translation: have a cuppa) that would be great. havent seen you guys in awhile anyway.

how about it?


----- Original Message -----

From: Gina
To: Vicki, Paul, Ann
Sent: Friday, July 02, 2004 4:56 PM

Vic,

what happened to the tickets to watch movie at the starlight? it is on 9 july right?

i also want to yum cha with you ppl. but not today lah.

Paul - have you exhausted all your dates? hehe


----- Original Message -----

From: Ann
To: Gina, Paul, Vicki
Sent: Friday, July 02, 2004 5:09 PM

Force u work your butt off? Sounds obscene!
Huffing and puffing? Sounds obscene too!
Is this place u going ‘kin tak kwong’ (Translation: legal) or not?? Haha!!!


----- Original Message -----

From: Paul
To: Gina, Vicki, Ann
Sent: Friday, July 02, 2004 5:14 PM

How about an early yum char tomorrow evening?

gina - i have exhausted most of my dates. ;-)


----- Original Message -----

From: Paul
To: Ann, Gina, Vicki
Sent: Friday, July 02, 2004 5:28 PM

Enjoy working your butt off then..

mayb wanna show some confidence that can help u work ur butt off by huffin n puffin....haha!!

Somehow, 'leng chai' wan lar..no worry wan, just don go there w Twin Towers expectation...!


----- Original Message -----

From: Gina
To: Ann, Paul, Vicki
Sent: Friday, July 02, 2004 6.05 PM

later next week lah. coz i got pot luck party tomorrow night. another booze party if you tell me.

next week probably can. but you girls can go ahead. u know... me lah.. fong fei kei girl

have a good weekend. i gotta go see my hot stuff now.